The Day After

Meeting the Unit: At the Hospital

2012-01-23T11:31:00.000-08:00

Once we arrived at the hospital, the requisite check in procedures happened. Sexy gown, pee in a cup, internal exam, monitors on. Our medical insurance is through an HMO, and the system they run means that you don't necessarily get your doctor when delivering, you get the doctors on duty. My doctor happened to be in the hospital in another department at the time of my arrival. She saw my name pop in the system and came up to check on me. I was very thankful for that because the three doctors on shift in labor and delivery were attending three simultaneous deliveries at that moment. We would have been waiting a while to get admitted.

I was unable to complete the pee in the cup step. Remember this, it is important later.

100% effaced and 5 cm (!) dilated, I was shown to a room. The nurses were wonderful, and rather impressed that I was as far along as I was and not asking for pain control. The charge nurse claimed that most first time mothers she sees don't get past 4 without wanting something.

We got comfortable, intermittent monitoring began, so I could get up and move around as I wanted. In the bed, in the chair, in the shower, on the toilet, in the shower. Round and round I went. An hour passed, and I had progressed to 6. 2 hours later, no movement. 3 hours after that, no movement. Doctors start talking augmentation, either membrane rupture or pitocin drip. The thought of pitocin made me very nervous, so we started with the membrane rupture. Another couple of hours pass, and nothing is happening.

I also still had been unable to empty my bladder this entire time. I requested help with this problem. I expressed the thought that maybe that was the hold up, they didn't believe me, until 800 mL was drained from me.

I called the doctor about 1.5 hours after, telling him that I was feeling a lot of pressure and wanted to push. He checked me and reported that I was 9 cm dilated, not quite there. He'd be back in a couple of hours to check me again. A couple of hours?!?! No, that wasn't happening. I was ready.

30 minutes later, it was time to push.

I had heard that when it's time to push, you'll know. You'll feel pressure. I had no idea how absolutely overwhelming that feeling would be. I was so caught up in the feeling that this baby was ready to get out that I couldn't hit the call button myself. It took a lot to gather my wits enough to tell Seena to get someone, NOW! The nurse came in, set up (I did ask for the mirror, I wanted to see), and started me pushing. She noted the first push at 4:25 and informed me that I would be given 2 hours of pushing before other options would be explored. 2 hours? Hahahaha, there was no way I was going to do this for 2 hours. 3 contractions, which amounted to 9 pushes later, people were in the hallway yelling for the doctors to get in the room, get your gloves on, don't bother with the gown, THERE'S NO TIME. I really think the mirror helped me, I could see what was happening, and once his head started to appear, I didn't want to let it out of my sight. When they were calling for the doctors, he was beginning to crown, and I was told to stop pushing. Don't push, just blow. I blew for all I was worth, ignoring the fact that my body was screaming to finish the job. In fact, my body continued on its own, and the nurses reprimanded me for continuing to push, until they remembered that I didn't have an epidural and couldn't control it.

I will say that the pushing phase was a huge relief in the discomfort department. I was finally able to DO something, and it felt good.

Doctors arrived, next contraction came, a few little pushes later he was here. 25 minutes after the first push. My 8.5 pound, 20.5 inch long boy arrived like a superhero, leading with an arm next to his 14.5 inch head. I had to try and get a look at his nether regions for myself, because no one actually announced whether the baby was a boy or girl, at least not that I heard.

A son, we had a son.

Meeting the Unit: Home to the Hospital

2011-10-27T10:59:00.000-07:00

Day before my due date. I've gained 45 pounds and the doctor is estimating a 7 to 7.5 lb baby.

I had a doctor appointment on my due date, 10/7. I was checked and it was noted that I 50% effaced and 1 cm dilated. Nothing, really. Doctor thought it would happen soon-ish, but probably not over the weekend. Membranes were stripped and Seena and I went to a movie. We went to an average of one movie a week for the last couple of months.

My dad had been out of the country for three weeks leading up to my due date. My parents live in another state and had been waiting anxiously for the call that it was time. Their plan was to jump on the first plane available and hope to be here in time. Due to the overseas trip, my dad requested being routed through LA on his way home, just in case. He arrived back on my due date and spent the night at our place. I told him that it didn't seem like anything was going to happen this weekend, so he should go home and rest. He left Saturday morning.

Saturday morning, I woke up having some contractions, but nothing regular or painful. That had been happening for a few weeks, I thought nothing of it. As the morning went on, a pattern started to develop. This surprised me, but they were still far enough apart that I could sleep some and do stuff without too much trouble. Moving along, but at a stroll, not a run. The day was spent at home, watching movies, moving from couch to bed to rocking chair to yoga ball to bathtub and around again. Pain began to make itself known, in my back. Seena spent a lot of time with his fists buried in my hips and lower back every time a contraction happened, it was the only thing that helped. 10 minutes apart at 10 in the morning to 4 minutes apart at 1:30 in the morning on Sunday. I let my parents know labor was underway and contractions about 6 minutes apart at 5 PM Saturday evening. Our childbirth educator had drilled into us that the time to head for the hospital is when contractions hit 4 minutes apart, last 1 minute, and have done so for at least an hour. We hit that benchmark at 2:30 Sunday morning.

Around that same time, I thought my water broke. I was incorrect, it was bloody show. I, however, had not been warned that bloody show wasn't just a little bit, this was a lot. I very calmly walked out of the bathroom and informed Seena it was time to go. Bags were gathered, dog was crated, and the drive to the hospital completed in about 10 minutes. One really big upside to going to the hospital in the middle of the night, no traffic.

Bumpdate: 26 Weeks

2011-07-04T10:02:00.000-07:00

As you can tell, I've not been the best about documenting this pregnancy thing. I have been enjoying it, but I forget to stop and take photos or write things down. Now that I'm out of school and making the transition to temporary housewife, I'm going to try harder. I have a feeling I might regret it later if I don't.

My mom was here to visit last week. It was really a great thing to be able to share some of this in person with her. She bought the first of the baby clothes and I am trying my hardest not to allow that one gender-neutral striped onsie (thank you, American Apparel) turn into a flood of stuff. It's getting harder to walk past the baby aisles and leave empty handed. First, we must make a space for baby, then I can fill it up.

A couple of photos that have been taken since the last that were posted:

21 weeks, I felt huge, looking at it again, I am not.

26 weeks (last night). Basil is having an increasingly difficult time getting comfortable in my lap.

At the risk of TMI, I'd just like to say: BOOBS! I now have them, and that's pretty cool.

Bumpdate: 17 weeks

2011-05-02T17:41:00.000-07:00

I've popped, at least everyone else has noticed that I have. I feel bigger than I look in the photos below, but that may have something to do with my constant top-down vantage point and never really gaining any great deal of weight all at once before. The physical changes are all very new and I'm still trying to adjust.

Not feeling any movement yet. I've been feeling pretty good overall, just tired (though not as tired as a month or so ago). No strange cravings, either, just a constant hunger. I want to eat all the time, and the cheesier the something is, the better.

*Things other than the belly will be written about again soon. In the meantime, humor me. This is kind of a big deal in our house.

The Unit

2011-04-02T15:38:00.000-07:00

I've gone back to school and am almost half way through my first semester of the nursing program. It is, at turns, harder and easier than expected. So far so good. Though, we've discovered that I'll be taking a bit of a break over the fall. Might be tough to deliver a child and go back to school two weeks later. You're only allowed to miss two weeks per semester, I am not that brave.

I'm sure many who read this already know, but I want to document some of this process, and if not here, probably not at all.

I'm 13 weeks in, past the daunting (for me) 10 week mark where I lost another child many years back. I seem to be past the nausea and über-tiredness, though I still take naps when I can. Mostly because I can. The bad stuff really only caused a problem for about two weeks. I feel very lucky.

All tests to date point to normal, healthy child. Never thought I would like the sound of the word "normal" so much.

We're excited, happy, and scared. Scared in a healthy way. I've learned to let go of trying to determine how, exactly, our life is going to change. I don't think there's any way to know, other than to know that it will and we will adapt. We're good at that.

To blanket answer the usual questions: I'm due in early October. No, we don't know the sex and don't plan to find out. Until it's born, obviously. We haven't discussed any names yet. Our awesome loft has a ginormous closet, the Unit's nursery will be there. I feel good, and haven't really had any cravings. Just a hunger that arrives every three hours and renders me completely useless if I don't give it what it wants. And yes, the baby has nicknames. The Unit, the Spawn, or the Spawn of SeeBra. We get a little tired of calling it "it."

Warning, what follows is a bit rant-y and TMI. Stop reading now if you don't want to know.

So, yes, happy and excited. I have gladly made the requisite dietary changes. I don't really miss any of the things I can no longer have (except runny eggs. I would give something semi-important for a runny egg yolk), but I do miss not having to think about it. I wasn't a big drinker of either alcohol or caffeine beforehand, but I never really thought about it much. Nor did we have a lot of sushi, but it was most certainly enjoyed whenever it was had. There have been more than a few days recently where I've mourned my inability to have some spicy tuna. I realize this is all short-lived and will be but a blip on the screen in the grand scheme of things, but oh how I would adore some eggs benedict.

I've gained about 3.5 pounds so far, not much. Enough, though, to make it difficult to button my pants. Belly bands are my buddies right now. I also didn't realize how form fitting my clothing aesthetic tends to be until a couple of weeks ago. I don't know what you'd call a precursor to a bump, but that's sort of where I am. Not flat bellied, but not really defined bump either.

And why, for the love of all that is good, does no one warn you about how much your boobs will itch (there's the TMI bit)? THAT I did not expect, and have since spent more money than I should have on some oil that seems to be doing the trick. But, MY GOD, the day that started. Not. Fun.

Rewind: Munich, Part Zwei

2011-01-27T13:48:00.000-08:00

The entrance to Oktoberfest.

We found ourselves there, through no planning of our own, for the 200th anniversary. I'm not quite sure what I expected to find, beyond lots of drunken dudes (mostly Australian, we'd been warned), but that is not what was found.

I didn't know much of the history, so we looked it up later. All I could think when we did look it up was that's a heck of a way to commemorate your wedding. I'll point you to Wikipedia, rather than regurgitate the same info.

So, yeah, not knowing what to expect, imagine my surprise at finding one of the largest carnivals I've ever seen. Complete with kiddie rides, full of kiddies.

And the beer tents, my word, the beer tents. We walked through several, and they were all jammed. Most of the tables inside of the beer tents are reserved, year after year, by the same families or companies. You don't try to sit inside unless you know someone.

There are 5,900 seats in here, not one was empty. It was a weekday.

Since seats were not to be had inside, we took a couple of the 1,500 seats outside. Most of the oustide seating was empty because it was raining. We were joined by this group for reasons we couldn't figure out, but it gave the husband a bit more German practice. They also laughed at us quite a bit when, annoyed by the rain, we proceeded to drink under our umbrella.

Somthing else I was unprepared for: the size of the beer. I'm used to being able to choose the size of the beer I want. Here, we got a choice, masse or nothing. I took the masse, a couple of times. This explains the stat I heard that morning that 30% of all the beer consumption in Germany takes place at Oktoberfest. The guys next to us put away four each before I got through one.

As we moved from tent to tent, we were serenaded by the sounds of various bands. Mostly polka bands, a few rock bands. You haven't lived until you've heard "I Will Survive" as a polka sung with heavy German accents. It was awesome.

As was the spirit inside each of the tents. Everyone knew the songs being played, especially the traditional ones, most people knew the dances that went with it, and they got up on their tables to do it. I wanted to do it too, maybe next time. We will be going back.

So, after being awestruck by the tents and the lovely people therein, we wandered a bit. After the beer as big as my head, we ate a pretzel as big as my head, then we ordered the last knackwurst of closest wurst purveyor on the food row. It was still raining, we were still under the umbrella.

We then found ourselves unable to resist the freshly roasted cinnamon almonds and walnuts as we caught the wave of humans leaving the park and headed for the train station. The wave ambled it's way through very quiet streets, some still singing the songs and dancing the dances from the tents. We hummed along and grinned from ear to ear. It was time to catch the train to Paris, though we were a bit sad to say aufiderzein to Bavaria so soon.

Rewind: Munich, Part Eins

2011-01-21T10:49:00.000-08:00

On the train ride from Frankfurt to Munich, we had wifi. Thank you Deutsche Bahn. We were trying to finalize our stay that night with some friends of friends who lived about 50 kilometers outside of Munich. This would have required the three hour ride from Frankfurt to Munich, and a transfer to a slower train that would take another two hours to get to the village 50 kilometers away. Ugh.

I posted a status update before boarding in LA, and friends who live in Munich told us to come by, should we find ourselves in Munich. We took them up on their offer, used the light rail to get to Garching, and crashed (quite literally, it had been a long 36 hours) in their attic that night. We were told the next morning that though it made for a hectic night, our fly-in made them feel useful. They missed feeling useful.

Watch your head

We slept like logs, woke up to a lovely morning in Garching and rolled our bags back to the light rail station through the silence, minus the clackity-clackity we caused, mentally apologizing with every step. Cobblestones, gotta love 'em.

Breakfast was consumed in the Marktplatz, and I was expecting bread stuffs and coffee. We got this instead:

More than we could finish.

Back into Munich for some exploring, after securing the luggage at the train station.

There was the Glockenspeil:

The Viktualienmarkt:

Really hard not to buy something here, but we managed.

Very familiar displays with very unfamiliar names:

A gorgeous cathedral in the middle of a shopping area:

Oggling of dirndls (I really wanted to bring one home):

Lunch at the Hofbräuhaus, lamb ragout for me and pickled pigs foot for him. Both excellent.

Beer is a must.

The late afternoon was occupied by the walk to the park that contained Oktoberfest. Part zwei.

Marital Pants

2011-01-13T12:45:00.000-08:00

I've come to view the relationship Seena and I have as a fairly tanigble thing. It lives and breathes based on the care we provide it and each other. We like to think of ourselves as a team of equals. In my head, that's formed an image of us in a never-ending three-legged race toward whatever it is we're after. Decisions are made together, unless one of us doesn't cares to participate in the process on that particular issue and go in the direction pointed to by the other, which is rare.

Tuesday night, we were watching Parenthood. At the end of the show, during the "next week on..." bit, the patriarch of the family asks his youngest son "who wears the pants in your family?" Seena leans over and hugs me while intoning "I'm glad we're a pants free marriage."

I laughed until I couldn't breathe.

How I love him and us in our three-legged race clad in nothing but tops and tighty-whiteys.

Tell Us a Story

2011-01-08T00:00:00.000-08:00

As you may have picked up from previous posts, we like to cook. We also like to travel, but don't have the funds to make that happen as often as we'd like. We've come up with, what I hope, is a fun and interesting compromise for ourselves.

I read some food blogs, and I enjoy them. I make use of the information I find there a lot. I've often thought of starting one, but fear that I would run out material very quickly. I've wondered, on more than one occasion, how many others feel the same.

Seena and I decided that we're going to start a food blog this year based around the concept of a community cookbook. We want recipes from people, and the story that goes along with it. What does the food mean to you, or what does the person who introduced you to this food mean to you? Help us travel and get to know you from our kitchen. We receive a recipe, we'll post, we'll make, we'll post our thoughts about it and invite you to do the same. There's also the thought that at some point in the future the really good and the really interesting will be compiled into a book, but that's still up in the air.

Once we've created the blog, I'll post a link. We're still working on that, but we need some recipes to get us started. Feel like sharing with us? Send yours to thedayafter1011(at)gmail.com.

Also, please share if you think this is a terrible idea destined to fail. I've only bounced it off a few people. Sometimes the boy and I get excited about things that really won't go anywhere.

Rewind: Europe

2011-01-07T16:31:00.000-08:00

The itinerary went something like this:

LA - Frankfurt on a Lufthansa direct flight. Long, but shorter than the flight to Australia the year previous. Curt flight attendants, decent food, Milka bars available for the taking at the snack station near the restrooms. I was happy.

Frankfurt - Munich via train accessed without leaving the airport. Eurail passes were a great buy for this trip.

One day in Munich for Oktoberfest, the 200th anniversary no less.

Munich - Grasse via overnight train that stopped in Paris, Marsielle and Nice.

10 days in Grasse.

Grasse to Nice via Sallie and Theo's rented road tripper.

2 days in Nice with a day trip to Monaco on scooters(!).

Nice - Paris via train.

4 days in Paris.

Paris - Amsterdam via train.

3 days in Amsterdam.

Amsterdam - Frankfurt via train.

Frankfurt - LA on the reverse of the Lufthansa direct flight we took to get there. I was unable to get any sleep on the flight home, so I watched 6 movies instead. I really wished I could have slept.

Stories and photos to follow.

One Word

2010-12-16T11:43:00.000-08:00

Christmas is about to stand up and bite me in the rear. I had plans to be so ahead of the game, but they did not pan out quite as expected. Our tree is still not up, and while I have all of the gifts for the out-of-towners done, I need to ship them. I also need to get rolling on shopping for the man.

Holiday parties are in full swing. My office party was last weekend, 'twas lamey-lamey-lame lame-lame-lame-lame (except getting to hang with my friends in fancy duds) (also, say that lamey bit to the tune of Deck the Halls). Christmas potluck and secret santa exchange at my office yesterday. I got a stethoscope, YAY! His office party is Friday, should be interesting. There's always something implicitly akward about office parties at one of the bosses' house.

A couple of days ago, Craig and Andrea (Izone owners and all around wonderful friends) hosted a gathering of mostly work people for dinner. It's rare that a Tuesday night ends with people looking at the clock, blurting out "Holy crap! It's that late!" Wednesday morning was a bit painful, but was totally worth it.

And now, for the point of the post.

At this gathering, a toast was made where everyone at the table said one word to encompass what the holiday season and 2011 focus will be for them. Love, peace, beauty, all the usual suspects were present. My two favorite words of the evening: silence and acceptance (mine).

What's yours?

The Midget

2010-11-19T14:32:00.001-08:00

I realize that I've been horribly remiss and haven't properly introduced the Midget.

Basil, this is everyone. Everyone, Basil.

It's pronounced "BAH-sil," not "BAY-sil."

Before you ask, the name is a Fawlty Towers reference, not Sherlock Holmes or The Great Mouse Detective. It's the husband's favorite show, and I can see why. And no worries, you'll never find this Basil, the rat terrier, in the ratatouile.

We picked Basil out at the shelter in June. We had intentions of bringing home a dog somewhere between three and five years of age. Younger than George, but old enough to be mostly trained. We had our eye on a couple, online listings of shelters and rescue groups can be very dangerous things. I had been stalking for weeks.

We went to the shelter on that particular day with the intention of just looking. Getting a feel for the facility and the process. It's quite the schmancy digs for stray dogs, let me tell you. Pasadena-ites want to take care of the dispossessed four-leggers. We strolled through the sections with the bigger dogs, and looked at the couple we had been interested in. Seena decided he wasn't in love with either, so we kept strolling.

One very sad thing in most of shelters out here is that about 70 percent of the canine population of the shelters is split between pit bulls and chihuahuas. I'd take a pit bull any day over a chihuahua, but we can't have a pit bull where we live, so that was that. We continued our stroll into the section that contained the smaller dogs, mostly chihuahuas. I here behind me "AAAH, look at the puppy!" (You must add in the requisite manly-sounding baby talk here, it melted my heart). There was the Midget sitting quietly next to a frenetic, barky chihuahua. He came home with us a few days later, after being neutered.

It's been a long time since I've had a puppy. Housetraining was an adventure, but then one day, it was like he got it. Classical conditioning in action, it just took longer than I had hoped. He weighs about 13 pounds and can run for hours. He's skiddish with people and acts tough with dogs until they are standing in front of him, then he plays nice. He's goofy, and we anthropomorphize him much to much. But he made our house whole after putting George to sleep.

He wasn't what we intended, but (cliche alert) just what we needed.

Rewind: Road Trip

2010-11-18T12:45:00.001-08:00

The Midget and I took a road trip this past summer. Three weeks of seeing family, proving to myself that traveling alone isn't as big and scary as I thought, and that time with family can be restorative. Some relationships were deepened, others were rekindled, and I'd do it all over again, given the chance. I spent more time with my parents, and at my old haunts, than I have since I left five years ago. It was bittersweet and fantastic.

One thing I wished for while I was gone for most of August: a card to send to my husband that expressed how much I missed him, but was glad I was doing what I was doing. There aren't really any "I miss you, but I'm glad you're not here" cards. And I don't mean that as a dig on the boy. Time apart is good, and the reunion was sweet.

Not much documentation of this trip, sadly. I was far too busy enjoying myself to worry about the camera. Most of what went on was so internal, and personal, that this post is more a bookmark for me than a recap.

Europe Rewind coming soon.

Paper Cranes

2010-10-25T20:14:00.000-07:00

We were home for three days from Europe and in the jet-lagged induced fog that goes with an 11.5 hour flight. Seena came home from work and gave me the usual home-from-work hug, but this one was accompanied by a very serious face and teary eyes. A friend at work, whom Seena had just had lunch with two days prior, was been hit by a car while crossing a street. Obviously in the hospital, he was also in a coma.

The friend has since emerged from the coma, but not the woods. His wife and daughter returned as soon as they were able from China. A liaison from the office has been to visit a couple of times, but information about the friend's whereabouts are being kept close to the vest.

Paper cranes were folded for this friend tonight. As an outsider, you feel compelled to do something, as futile as the gesture may be. 1000 of them will be delivered to his bedside tomorrow. I participated, and tried to let the folds and creases package away my thoughts, I tried not to think about if this were Seena. Everything can change, you never know. But it hurts just to consider the possibility.

We folded our cranes with good thoughts and positive energy for this friend. He's one of the good ones. Hopefully, little paper wings can help lift the way healing.

Two Years

2010-10-12T02:53:00.000-07:00

Paris is for lovers, and we took full advantage.

We had the best meal of our lives to date.

"You in the bedroom and that in the kitchen and life would be perfect." He's such a romantic.

We talked about what we want from the upcoming year. If our last year is any indication, we'll be wildly successful at making things happen for us.

I won't say it can't get better than this, because that is to say we've peaked. We just happen to be on our biggest adventure so far. There's many adventures ahead of us, and I wouldn't want to share them with anyone else.

Here's to year three.

Kitchen Adventures: Overripe Fruit

2010-07-19T07:34:00.000-07:00

Due to a week spent at Izone watching the big boys, I came home this weekend to a fridge full of very, VERY overripe fruit. Four pounds of peaches on the verge and 5 bananas that were as black as Basil's head. What do to with it all that doesn't involve tossing it in the bin?

For the bananas: roasted banana frozen yogurt. Rita's recipe at PinkBites was wonderful, the only tweak I made was the addition of 1 teaspoon of cinnamon and 1/2 teaspoon of cardamom to the brown sugar that goes on the bananas prior to roasting. A tub of Fage nonfat yogurt and 40 minutes after being introduced into the ice cream maker we had a tasty treat that comes out of the freezer with almost the consistency of soft serve, but silkier. Variations on this theme will be played with.

For the peaches: fridge jam. I used the template provided by the strawberry refrigerator jam from the kitchn, using the measurements but my sad, sad fruit that had been blanched briefly to make the peeling process as slick as possible and the sugar was half granulated and half brown because that was what I had. It had been a while since my pantry had been stocked. I also tossed in the juice of half a lemon. This being the first time I've attempted to "can" anything, I wanted to keep it as simple as possible. I sterilized the jars for the jam in the oven and now have 4 jars of simple, not-to-sweet jam. Since it is pectin-less, it is a little loose, but that doesn't make it any less yummy.

After the jam, I still had two peaches left. I threw them in the blender along with the juice all over the cutting board and a 6 ounce carton of vanilla greek yogurt. Pour into popsicle molds, or paper cups with toothpicks, and *tada*, creamy peach popsicles.

The four jars of jam hand my mind buzzing with ways to use the jam. I'd hate for the jam to go bad after having rescued the fruit from the same fate. We had a dinner gathering last night to help a couple of friends assemble their wedding invites. I decided to make a savory something to take along. Dorrie Greenspan's corniest corn muffins via Smitten Kitchen, peach jam doctored with balsamic vinegar, sriracha, salt and pepper (all to taste), and Thomas Keller's goat cheese mousse came together for an appetizer cupcake. I filled the corn muffin with the peach jam, placed the little caps back on and piped on the mousse. They were tasty, and surprised my friends. They thought I had made another batch of sweet cupcakes. I'm trying to branch out, baby steps.

Summer hit us in full force this week with the triple digit temperatures that we've been bracing for. My mom shared a Giada De Laurentiis recipe that hit the spot during the swelter, a grilled chopped salad. I had to remember to feed our bellies with more than sweet stuff, and this will grace our grill again (and again) this summer. Fast, easy, tasty. My favorite kind of dinner.

Two days of playing in the kitchen makes for a happy girl, a spoiled boy and a fridge full of goodies.

Sunday Afternoon

2010-07-06T18:22:00.000-07:00

Over hot dogs at one our new regular haunts.*

Him: What do you think you're going to do with your time off?

Me: I don't know. I should probably start looking for a job.

Him: Why would you do that? Is that what you want to do?

Me: Not really, but it feels irresponsible not to.

Him: Why irresponsible?

Me: Okay, maybe more much too decadent. What would I do with myself otherwise?

Him: Travel. Read books. Take photographs. Everything. Nothing.

Me: You'd be okay with that?

Him: Absolutely!

And, with that, a season full of possibility was born.

As of July 30th, I am done with my educational obligations until I am accepted into and start a nursing program. The earliest that would happen is January. Between August 1 and the as-yet defined start date, the thoughts are to take my first solo road trip (plans are already coming together for that one, and not totally solo. I'm taking the dog.), a motorcycle safety class so I can get the license, we're planning a trip to France as a couple, he's encouraging me to find a reason to stay longer, maybe a week in New York, possibly a trip to Quebec and who knows what else. It's more a list of things I would do if money were no object, but it will be. But, WOW! It is so freeing to make that list.

Now to work on the road trip playlist.

* This conversation took place two days after the boy came with me to see Eclipse. How lucky am I?

Lazy Slacker

2010-06-30T13:23:00.000-07:00

Yep, that's me. At least when it comes to this blog. I'm approaching almost three months of all silent on the internets front, and I miss it. I miss you, ephemeris individuals who kindly comment on my ramblings.

As agirl called me out for back in May (see? Lazy Slacker.), I am a tease. Parts 1 and 2 of the move were written. It's going to end there. Suffice it to say, we thought we might have to take our former landlord to small claims court for a nanosecond. Everything worked out, we got our deposit back and we love our current place. We moved about four months ago, but it feels like eons and I'm having difficulty recalling enough detail to spin and interesting yarn out of it.

Here's a the hurried-up version of what's swinging, and swung, through Chez Hassouna in the last few months:

I finished the five classes that made up my spring semester.
I survived the group project that was part of the spring semester without harming any group members in the process. That was a test of my will.
I started the summer session with one weekend between the end of spring classes and the beginning of the summer one. The summer one that I attend 4 days a week, 5.5 hours at a stretch.
My dad came for a visit on his way to Singapore.
Husband's mom came for a visit.
My dad dropped back by on his way back home.
My parents came for a visit together.
All the parent visits happened within a month's time.
The boy got a promotion. He now holds the job title and salary to match the job he's been performing for over a year.
We got a puppy. He's a pound puppy. His name is Basil, a Fawlty Towers reference, and I have yet to get a photo that shows his scale. He's small. 8 pounds of wagging tail, tiny tongue and growly ball chasing. And ears, one floppy, one not, making him look permanently surprised. Too darn cute for his own good.

So, between the class (microbiology) that's going to be the center my world until the end of July, the boy's busy work schedule and the demands of puppy-dom, I haven't really felt I had anything worth writing about. I didn't want to bore you, but bore you I shall because I miss the exercise of mental de-cluttering this space provides. I also need to stop hiding so much. I've spent much of my downtime with my nose in books. Anita Blake, House of Night, The Black Dagger Brotherhood and some Dan Savage have been a respite from the (what feels like) unending repetition of days that are starting to run together. Nothing wrong with a few good books, but I feel like I'm going to slowly retreat from social life in general if I don't watch it. Got to shake myself out of that.

I can't say how regularly you'll hear from me, but more often than every two-ish months.

The Scratch

2010-04-11T19:02:00.000-07:00

The Move, part 2.

I call the corporate landlord's phone number for The Stuart and make the requisite appointment to see a leasing agent and discuss the interesting one bedroom apartment. The next day, the umbrella and I head to the train station, giddy at the thought of using transportation to something, anything. We'd become far too reliant on the car as of late and I was itching to change that.

Ten minutes later, I'm in the lobby of The Stuart and shaking hands with the most laissez faire salesman of any kind I have ever come across. Refreshing. Lovely. Laissez leasing agent informs me that the apartment I have come to see cannot be seen because it is still occupied. It's a popular floor plan and tends to be rented before being seen. I'm not totally comfortable putting down a deposit on something I have not seen and tell him that we'll get back in touch should the unit still be available after the current tenants move out. Thanks for your time.

But wait! There's another, *very* similar unit empty. It's bigger, more expensive, but maybe it can give you an idea of what our units are like. Can't hurt to take a look, right?

Right.

Open the front door onto a big kitchen, outfitted more than adequately. You know how kitchens are supposed to have sink, stove and refrigerator laid out in a triangle? This kitchen is laid out with one. There is no carpet in the living area. The bathroom is huge, and the bathtub is huger. The bedroom is lovely. The patio is large enough to fit our full-size bbq with room for tables and chairs. There is a magical little closet in the hallway that contains the holy grail of apartment living: washer and dryer.

In addition, there is a pool and hot tub just a short, leisurely stroll from our back door. The parking lot is underground, and gated. The clubhouse is a place where people actually hang out. The gym is well kept and open 24/7.

In case you can't tell, I was immediately smitten. Though I did my best to not let on. I needed to bring Seena back to see how he feels.

I do just that two days later. He likes the place, but is more reticent than I to close the deal in one visit. We go across the street for lunch to discuss, we are the types to list out pros and cons. Several napkins were sacrificed to our decision making process. Before our discussion is over, Seena has a pen out and is sketching potential layout schemes for our furniture.

We're moving? We're moving.

We head back across the street. We find out that we are taking the apartment away from another couple who looked, liked, but decided that they wanted to look a few more places first. Our check trumps their potential return. We have a move-in date 14 days hence. 2/21.

We also have two housesitting commitments that coincide with each other, one that started just the night before the fateful apartment visit and will extend until the first week of March. Seena is starting a meeting cycle the likes of which neither of us were prepared for. I'm finishing the six week physiology intensive, get a weekend to ~~breathe~~ move and jumping into a fifteen credit spring semester.

Oh, and our current, seemingly awesome landlord is about to hit the crazy button.

The Itch

2010-03-17T09:29:00.000-07:00

The Move, Part 1

Let's rewind to just after Christmas.

After a visit home to my family for the holiday, Seena and I return to our little housey-house (yes, that's what we called it) and we weren't feeling quite so at home any more. There are two children, ages 2 and newborn, who sleep (or don't, depending on the night) 6 feet from our bedroom window. There's not much insulation in the house. Even though it doesn't get that cold here, it can still get chilly and our gas bill tripled because the tiny heater in the front room really doesn't do anything besides run all the time and heat the three feet in front of it where the dog sleeps. We had also experienced the same tripling in the electric bill over the summer because of air conditioners. It took 3 to make the place bearable.

Also, there are too many walls. I miss being able to be involved with what's happening in places that are not the kitchen when I'm in the kitchen.

In short, we were sort of over the place.

We've experienced this itch before. It's one of the up- and downsides to being a renter. We can move anytime. But that means we'd have to move. Usually just nosing around is enough to scratch the itch.

So, in the middle of January, I start nosing around on Craigslist. There isn't a whole lot grabbing my interest.

Jump to early February, we're out to brunch at a lovely little place, enjoying a little sunshine between rainstorms and see bicycles scoot past us pulling trailers advertising a new community around the corner. We decide to take a look, just for fun.

It gorgeous. All sorts of sustainable touches: energy star appliances, front loading washer and dryer, double flush toilets (a rarity in these parts). The layout of the apartment we might be able to afford, if we really really stretched our budget, was nice, but a tad cramped feeling. Plus, there was carpet in the living room, no thanks. But, it's in a great part of town, closer to transit, not to mention shiny and new. We walk away deciding we need to think about it, reviews are happening at work for Seena soon, maybe a raise? Maybe we could afford it?

Then the company drops the hammer: no raises, no bonuses. Damn.

I continue my Craigslist perusing thinking nothing is going to change, but it helps to look. A week or so after walking away from shiny and new, I see an ad for a community that's still shiny. Not quite as new, but very nice. They had been way out of our price range when they opened, but come to find out that they are a Fair Housing community and rents have been adjusted to reflect the current economy. They came down, big time. There's an apartment, one bedroom, for rent that is the same size as our two bedroom house. Interesting.

How the Boys Spent Sunday

2010-03-08T11:07:00.000-08:00

One was a busy, serious grown-up.

Making use of the tools of his trade, feeling like he's no longer playing at being an architect. He's licensed now, it's full on and for real.

The other made up for the lack of loafing.

This is what Sundays are for, after all.

Elbow, Elbow, Wrist, Wrist

2010-02-09T11:23:00.001-08:00

Hello to anyone who hasn't been here before and found their way through APW. Have a looksee.

And for those of you who pop around sometimes, because you're wonderful and nice, sorry I've been missing. It's a bit busy here as Chez BSG. Housesitting for two different friends while we pack up the house to move, Seena's in the middle of meetings for one of the biggest projects he has ever been on and I'm approaching the end of a physiology class that has the same content as a 16 week class packed into 6. I know, what was I thinking. The few minutes of down time I've been able to grab in the last few weeks has not found me in a thinking mood. Hence the post darkness.

Anyway, just wanted to smile and wave at you all.

see more dog and puppy pictures

The Nuts

2010-01-28T17:43:00.001-08:00

Driving home tonight, Lady Gaga (who I have come to adore despite my large efforts to hate her) and her Poker Face made an appearance on the radio. It reminded me of a funny happening last week.

I don't play poker often, I've played maybe 5 times in my life. Mostly with my parents. A friend organized a Texas Hold-Em night last Friday. The buy-in was $10 a person. Seena lost his pretty quickly. I played for 4 hours on one buy-in and walked away with $15. Not a bad night.

Since I don't play often, sometimes I miss things. Early on in the night, I pull pocket queens and end up with four queens at the end. I didn't miss that. About an hour later, my pocket contains two hearts of little significance. I don't know why I didn't fold, but I didn't. When the hand was nearing an end, I checked because I didn't think I had anything. As it would turn out, I had a flush.

I'm not particularly well-versed in poker jargon, but I can keep up to a certain degree. When I checked on, what I thought, was a hand full of crap, I got hit with a phrase I had not heard before. One of the dirtiest euphemisms I've heard in quite a long time.

A horribly belated quote of the day.

You ready?

"You checked the nuts?"

I generally reserve that one for behind closed doors. I am an honorable girl, thank you very much.

The Adventures of Lieutenant Literal

2010-01-27T13:47:00.000-08:00

I so deserve a dope slap.

Why, you ask?

Apparently I am that girl who takes things a bit too literally sometimes. Then, I spend half an hour thinking about what I should have said, knowing there are no conversational (or in this case, twitter) mulligans, and kicking my own behind mentally. This happens at least weekly, and I despise how uncool these moments reveal me to be. I'm not cool, but I don't need to tell the world repeatedly. Idiot.

Last night I tweet this:

Ooey gooey brownies that aren't terrible for me. I am a happy girl. #fbabout 17 hours ago from TweetDeck

This morning, I find a reply from Julia at Color Me Green:

tocolormegreen

@October12 what makes the brownies not so terrible for you?about 7 hours ago from web in reply to October12

I'm a nice girl, so I respond:

@tocolormegreen the added fats consisted of 2 T butter, 1egg, 1 egg white. Rest of fat replaced with prune purée. Still fudgy and good.about 6 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to tocolormegreen

Cate Subrosa joins the conversation:

catesubrosa

@October12 Sounds good, care to share the whole recipe?about 4 hours ago from Twitterrific in reply to October12

I post the link:

@catesubrosa http://www.marthastewart.com/recipe/guilt-free-brownies?xsc=eml_cod_2010_01_21 I'm not good enough to figure it out myself.about 4 hours ago from TweetDeck in reply to catesubrosa

She replies thusly:

catesubrosa

@October12 Yum, I have to try that. Also I guess you have to ration yourself for fear of the laxative effect of too many prunes?!about 4 hours ago from Twitterrific in reply to October12

And here is where I look like an asshat:

@catesubrosa I used a dark cocoa, 73% cacao if I remember right. Makes more than 1 feel too rich. At least for me.about 1 hour ago from TweetDeck in reply to catesubrosa

She was making a joke, about poo. I had just walked out of physiology class, where we were not talking about poo, and apparently I was still carrying around my science brain. Usually jokes that involve bodily functions have me tittering like a 9 year old boy. She's talking about poo! Heeheeehee. But no, I proceed to inform her how I limit myself to just one brownie at a time. Funny girl FAIL!

What I should have said was:

When it comes to chocolate, I'm willing to risk it.

Processing a Pet Problem

2010-01-21T13:54:00.000-08:00

That's George. He's my dude. He has cancer.

Liver cancer, to be more specific, and being 13, there isn't much we can do for him. He has seizures occasionally as result of the cancer and damaged liver function. Those are scary moments.

So I have a 13 year old deaf dog whose sight is going in addition to all the other things happening to his skinny little body. And somehow I'm supposed to be able to figure out when it's no longer okay to ply him with medication four times a day that is meant to lessen the occurrences of the seizures. I'm supposed to know when it's too much for him to be alive.

I've not had to put an animal down before. I've been close, but Harvard went on his own before that call had to be made. I don't know if I can hope for the same with George. He still seems like George. He knows where his bed is, he knows where the food is and he eats like a champ. He doesn't seem to be in any pain, but it isn't like he can open his mouth and say "ow." He fights me when it comes to the meds, I take this as a good thing.

It's going to hurt to not have that face hanging around the house. Knowing that I might have to choose to make that face go away is eating me up a bit. I guess I'm sharing this because I could use some outside perspective. If you've dealt with a situation like this with a pet, how did you handle it? When did you pull the plug (or push the plunger, as it were)?

On Marriage Ambivalence

2010-01-20T12:41:00.000-08:00

I read A Practical Wedding, even though the wedding was well over a year ago. Meg has a mind I envy and is talking about weddings and marriage in a way that's tough to find.

Today she threw out some questions about marriage ambivalence and I thought I would answer over here, instead of leaving a long-winded comment.

After my first wedding, I experienced a lot of ambivalence. I found myself thinking "is this it?" The discord over money (how to handle it, when and how it could be spent) and sex, his seeming lack of ambition and our lack of direction as a couple. The wedding was fun, but what followed wasn't working, but I went about my business assuming that was how things worked. You get married, you go to work and sit back into the comfort of a routine. I tried not to think about how... indifferent I felt to everything. While I hated feeling like a failure when it became obvious that things could not be salvaged, there was a part of me that was quite relieved that I got a do-over.

I didn't think much about whether marriage would be in the cards for me again. I was more focused on trying to figure out what I wanted out of life. Not knowing what I wanted was part of the reason I got married the first time. It is why I lost myself, I didn't really have myself to begin with.

I met Seena pretty soon after the divorce was final. This evolved slowly with us. He gave me space to breathe, space to feel like a fully formed and functional person. I've never felt ambivalent about my relationship with him. He challenges me, encourages me and teaches me. I do the same for him.

Marriage re-entered my mind, and we talked about it. He moved to California and I decided to join him. We lived together. I would get excited/anxious anytime a birthday/holiday would roll around, hoping that he might propose. But it didn't feel like a dealbreaker. I was happy, we were happy, it was working. I'd done things the way they are "supposed" to be done the first time around. The results weren't that pretty, why would I make a pattern of something that didn't work?

Then he proposed. And we got married. We had the party, mostly like you're supposed to but with heavy touches of us. We were (and still are) both very excited about the married bit. I spent some time wrestling with myself. I didn't, and don't, want to end up in the place where I feel like photocopy of myself. I thought long and hard about whether I could remain an independent person and be a part of a couple. We prefer to think of ourselves as a team, and I realized that a good team is made of thinking individuals who contribute their ideas and opinions, the ideas and opinions are discussed and the best choices are determined by the team as a whole. Not the head of the household.

Did getting married change our relationship? Not in the day to day. It added that almost tangible permanence that allows us to challenge each other more, to dream bigger together and to make real plans towards the big dreams. We give each other a place to land. As independent as it does not sound, being with my husband has helped me stretch to do things I might not have otherwise. It's not that I'm incapable alone, we're just more capable together.

Getting married again did change my life, though. It has made our relationship more acceptable to our families. The trip we just took to my family home for Christmas really cemented, for me, that we're all family now. I don't need to mediate his relationship with my father anymore. It changed how the world sees us, we're more legitimate because of a piece of paper. I wish that everyone had access to that piece of paper.

We look like a relatively traditional couple from the outside. Division of labor is down the gender line (our choice, though we both cook), he works and I don't (for now) and we have some traditional aspirations for ourselves in addition to the big dreams. But that's because this is what works for us. We looked at the confines of the institution and decided that it looked like a pretty happy place for us. Then we jumped, eyes open, feet first.

When It Rains in Southern California

2010-01-19T20:24:00.000-08:00

This is what the world has looked like for the last couple of days, and how it will continue to look for the next couple of days. It's a nice change. It doesn't rain a lot here, but when it does, Mother Nature doesn't mess around. No misty sprinkles or sunshowers. My alarm clock this morning was thunder.

We get rain maybe three or four times a year. Every time a storm rolls through, there is a run on umbrellas at any store that has them. They get bought out within an hour of the rain starting. Makes me wonder what happened to the umbrella that was purchased the last time it rained.

Photo by Seena and his Iphone.

I'm Late, But I Took the Pledge

2010-01-18T10:11:00.000-08:00

I love books, sometimes like they are people. They are my escape, sometimes my solace, a place I can go to renew when I can't physically leave the premises. The characters are very real, as is the sadness when the book ends.

I own an Iphone and I use the internet (sometimes too much), but you will always a book in my purse/on my nightstand/on the back of the toilet/in my hand. It will always be a book, never a device. I love the musty smell, the bent spines, the dog-eared pages and the titles facing out of my bookshelves.

Like many other of my blog acquaintances who have already taken the pledge, I added my badge (over there to the right) and pledge to read the printed word. If you haven't already done so, go do the same.

Thanks to ESB and CEVD for putting this out there.

Happy New Year

2010-01-01T01:14:00.001-08:00

Rounding things up to head to bed, it's 1:14 AM Pacific Standard Time. It's been a good day, a fitting end to a good year that has passed far too quickly. Seena and I talked about what has passed and what we want to come to pass in the next year. I found the sum-up of our hopes for the next year in the words of Neil Gaiman from 2001:

May your coming year be filled with magic and dreams and good madness. I hope you read some fine books and kiss someone who thinks your wonderful, and don't forget to make some art -- write or draw or build or sing or live as only you can. And I hope, somewhere in the next year, you surprise yourself.

Happy New Year, here's to surprising ourselves.

The Everlasting Tree

2009-12-30T19:28:00.000-08:00

Happy Holidays, hope they have been and will continue to be wonderful for everyone.

I wanted to post this before Christmas, but just didn't quite get around to it. Better late than never.

How to make a tree that won't die, shed needles all over your floor or need any attention whatsoever:

1. Buy a box large enough that there are at least two reasonably sized sections that are not scored for folding. Or visit the local art supply shop and buy at least a couple of sheets of cardboard. (I went with method the former this year, we may try method the latter next year. Might be easier.)

2. Find a straight edge, or someone who knows how to draw well enough that they can freehand a tree form of your choosing. Draw the tree from on at least two pieces of cardboard.

3. Cut out said tree forms.

4. Cut one slit in the midline of the lower half of one the cutouts. Cut a corresponding slit in the upper half of the midline of the other cutout.

5. Slide forms together with nifty slits.

6. Decorate as you see fit.

Total cost of materials: $12.00. Cost of house not burning down because you forgot to water the tree? Depends on how much you like your house.

Scene from a Convenience Store*

2009-12-23T08:03:00.000-08:00

Scene: Famima convenience store, Seena is stopping in for a snack before a meeting.

Cashier: You have gorgeous eyes.

Seena: Thank you. I've been told it's because of my Turkish grandmother.

Cashier: But it's like they don't even belong to you.

Seena: Oh?

Cashier: Yeah, they belong to me.

*As relayed by Seena this morning.

Mirages

2009-12-13T20:16:00.000-08:00

That's me in the center, four-ish years ago, in the last show I did in Boise. I was Diana in Abducting Diana, a farce by Italian satirist Dario Fo. I was onstage with dialogue for all but two pages of the 60+ page script. I got to strip a guy onstage (the one on the far right), electrocute another (second from the far left), get tied up, hop around in four inch stilettos for most of the show and wield a shotgun (a pump action so I could hear an empty shell bounce on the stage in the silence of the scene, I fought for that one). It is some of the most fun I have ever had. This show was also the first time I really felt like I might be sort of okay at the whole acting thing. It was a fantastic send off. And it's all thanks to this man:

Larry shepherded me through theatre land in Boise, and then ushered Seena and I into married life. I make it a point to try and see him every time I'm home. This weekend, he surprised us by popping down for a visit with a friend of his. Seena and I happened to be housesitting Izone, and this afternoon Larry came up for a visit. We sat at the table where the lamb was served, next to the counter where the three of us signed the marriage license and watched as mirages from 14 months ago walked around us.

I love my visits with Larry. I love Larry and am very thankful that we are still connected, however sporadically it may happen. But, like any visit with those from the past, I'm left a bit melancholy. With Larry comes a host of memories that I long to run back to somedays. Of places that were my haunts, now they haunt me on days when I'm feeling lost or long for things to be simpler.

I'm glad to have a chance to see Larry outside of Boise. I'm glad to be able to show him our life now, all the better to make the mirages look less real. I can't go back to Diana, I don't really want to. But somedays those mirages look so pretty.

Growing Pains

2009-12-12T17:02:00.000-08:00

In my preteens, when I hit the time for sprouting, I would wake up in the middle of the night in tears because it just hurt so much. My ribs would be in pain, I would have difficulty breathing and I would have to wait the whole thing out. There was nothing to be done. My mom took me to the doctor where a battery of tests concluded that I was simply growing very quickly. It was going to hurt, and there wasn't anything to do. There were many nights where my mom's shoulder would end up soaked in my tears. I'm sure she wished there was something that could be done to make it stop hurting, but the best she was able to do was hold me.

Some emotional growing pains were experienced in our house this week. What Seena went through isn't a whole lot different from what I experienced when I was young. It hurts to go through, and it hurts to watch. All I could do was hold him. He needed a rock to grab hold of so the emotional rapids he was riding didn't carry him away. I did the best I could. I wished for nothing more than to be able to take a piece of the contentedness I carry around in me (partly because of him) and give it to him. To feed it to him like a piece of bread that might fill up the hole that seemed so big and dark.

We have gotten through this growth spurt, and the thing that makes Seena who he is has found it's way to his eyes again. Nothing has made me happier recently.

Things with us have been so easy and good that sometimes I forget how much loving someone else can hurt. To watch them hurt, and to feel utterly helpless in the face of it, it brought home some of the "you'll understand when you're older" moments I've had with my mom.

It hurts to grow, physically or emotionally. This won't be the last time we experience a growth spurt for one or both of us. It sucks, there's nothing to be done about it, but we both come out stronger, individually and as a unit, as a result.

Babies and Boys

2009-12-07T16:41:00.000-08:00

Seena, like a lot of guys I know, didn't have know for sure whether he wanted kids when we first got serious enough to discuss such things. I still don't think his desire for children is as big as mine, but I'm not sure most men's desire for children is as big as most women's. I know I'm stereotyping here, but that's been my experience to date.

Several friends have had little ones recently. I've been doing some babysitting, and yesterday Seena came along. We babysat little Eva for 6 hours and it's the first time in a couple of months she's been in my charge while she was awake. She's about 4 months old and is really starting to look like a little human.

In between her naps, Eva spent a lot of time listening to me fall into that voice everyone falls into around babies and puppies. She a little chubster, so some nibbling of roly poly finger and toes might have taken place. I look up to find Seena leaning in the doorway, quietly watching with a funny little grin on his face.

"What's with the grin?"

"You're going to make a kick-ass mom."

And my heart exploded.

It's Beginning to Feel a Lot Like Christmas

2009-12-04T08:24:00.000-08:00

I struggled the last couple of years to really get into the spirit of the season. I seem to be having no such trouble this year. The dog is feeling better (G thanks you for the get well wishes) and life has calmed down. I'm about a week and a half away from finals, and I'm feeling pretty good about them (check with me in a week). The boy left this morning for an overnight sailing trip, and I've got the house to myself for the night. What to do?

Work on Christmas gifts. He's not here, so I can get started on his. I've got ideas for the gifts that I need to mail off to family far away. I've got an urge to get crafty, we'll see how well that turns out. Tonight will be full of catching up on So You Think You Can Dance, Brothers and Sisters (if you don't want to cry, stop the preview before it plays), and maybe some Say Yes to the Dress (I kind of hate myself for liking that one, but it's like a train wreck, I can't look away) and seeing how big of a mess I can make. All by myself *girly squee*.

I'm also itching to do the tree thing. We won't be here on Christmas day, but I don't care. Got. To. Have. A. Tree. I've been wandering through the Target aisles filled with decorations and drooling. I love that stuff. I try not to, but I do. I'm a real tree girl, though I tend to lean toward Charlie Brown Trees:

Husband, doing what he does, is all about the abstract. I can get behind it:

Wicked cool, but waaaay out of our budget. Last year, we fashioned a tree out of copper tubing, cheap and easy. We're going for something a bit more ambitious this year, bigger and cooler. I have been promised that if we can't figure it out this weekend, then we go buy a regular tree. I can live with that. I just want something to hang an ornament or two on.

Ice skating last weekend sparked a desire to go do wintery things. We might lack snow, and true cold, but we don't lack Christmas lights. A stroll through Griffith Park to see how movieland does the holidays sounds like a lovely evening.

What says "the holidays" for you?

Business Time

2009-12-02T22:27:00.000-08:00

To make this post a little less squicky (that would be the warning, Mom), imagine someone on the couch next to you who starts snoring around the 1:05 mark. Man, I love my husband.

Business Time can now commence in our house at any time we so choose. It might be Wednesday, and I might be in my business socks, but any time we want. Mmmm * insert Barry White impersonation*, life is good.

By the by *insert whatever accent sounds funny to you*, this is my 100th post.

Achievement vs. Aptitude

2009-12-01T22:19:00.000-08:00

Being back in school and paying really close attention to what goes on around me makes for some interesting days. Today, I received back a chemistry test that was taken before the Thanksgiving holiday and we were treated to a run down of the statistics. I did better than I expected, but as a class, it was bad. Really, really bad.

Our professor is geochemist PhD who has been in the chemistry world for the last 15 years. I think it's safe to say that some days he forgets that we don't all have the same knowledge that he does. That which is old hat to him is a shiny new top hat arriving on a clown with jazz hands for us. We don't know whether to laugh or to be afraid. He is also not a fan of study guides.

I don't fault him for any of this. This chemistry class is the most academically challenging I have this semester. Political science is challenging my patience, but that's for another day. I enjoy being stretched, I feel like I'm actually learning something. He puts things on the test that we have seen, but not necessarily in the manner that it was originally shown to us in the lecture. He makes us *gasp* think.

So, today, as he's going over the very detailed statistics he keeps of each test, I witness the downfall of our educational system. Too much reliance on achievement tests, not enough testing for aptitude.

I got out before they became der rigeur, but the standardized exit exam is required by most high schools before you can graduate. From watching the young'uns around me, it would appear that critical thinking and knowledge application in school has given way to making sure everyone knows EXACTLY what will be on the test, and in what form. I'm sure some teachers even take it to the point of teaching test taking strategy instead of, here's a thought, actually helping students learn.

I watched several people raise their hand and ask where, EXACTLY, did we do a problem EXACTLY like this one before? Because I don't think we did, and I don't think it's fair that you put it on the test. I mean, if you aren't going to tell us EXACTLY what and how things going to be on the test, how dare you put it on the test!

Yeah, a bit dismaying. Heaven forbid we have to use the grey matter that occupies our headspace. I may have struggled with some of what was on the test, but I knew he was attempting to test how well we are able to apply the knowledge he's been giving us. That's the point.

That, in a nutshell, is why I think the US is so far behind a lot of other countries from an educational standpoint. We've lost our aptitude.

GOOOAAAAALLLLLL!!!!

2009-11-30T22:02:00.001-08:00

Yes, you are meant to say that in your (or out loud, I don't judge) like a Mexican soccer announcer.

It's November 30th, and though I didn't mention it at the beginning of the month, I have completed Nation Blog Post Month. I wanted to see if I could finish it. I, like lots of people I know, have a tendency to half-ass things.

I've finished, and I've enjoyed the exercise. This has reminded me that I need to set little goals for myself in order to stay motivated and continue the extra pursuits I would like to maintain outside of my academic life. It has also forced me to think about my day, and really try to hold on to that story I want to share. That's proven more difficult than I would like it to be some days.

Some of the posts this month have been on the journal-ish side, and some have been downright lame just so I could get a post up. Thanks for sticking with me, even through the lameness. To the new followers I gained this month (all two of you, go me!), welcome. To those of you who were reading before my unfortunate disappearance, thanks for finding your way back.

I plan to continue posting with this kind of regularity (though I won't beat myself up if I miss a day or two here and there) and I hope you'll keep reading.

Another Day

2009-11-29T21:34:00.000-08:00

Due to doggie sickliness, some plans for my day were derailed. Hopefully we'll get him well soon, he seems to still be himself, so I'm trying not to go too far down the rabbit hole of "what if's." The clinic I took him today, as my regular vet was closed, asked to keep him for a few hours to run some tests. I got back in my car and had a freak out. The last time I left a dog at a hospital for any length of time, he died. I know George isn't that sick (I'm trying really hard not to think "yet" at the end of that sentence), but it was still a tough thing to shake.

I'm currently sitting out in my backyard, in front of a fire, with Seena and a friend. I've got an egg nog and rum in my hand and we just polished off beer braised beef and onions atop egg noodles. It was like a hug for my stomach.

Minus the vet trips, this has been an utterly wonderful four days. I'm feeling energized for the week and (oddly) feeling the Christmas spirit already. Maybe it's the egg nog.

The Christmas spirit has me thinking about gifts.

Here is my cry for help.

I'm trying to come up with some not horrible, not expensive ideas for gifts. Got any directions to point me in (that isn't Martha Stewart)?

"I've Got a Surprise for You."

2009-11-28T23:00:00.000-08:00

We get up yesterday morning(ish) and had a lazy lay about. About noon, Seena tells me to clean up and get dressed, he's got a surprise for me. Okay, no need to twist my arm.

We jump in the car and end up at one of our favorite restaurants for a little lunch. He tells me this is part 1, I'm enjoying part 1 and curious about part 2, but I'm working on not ruining surprises. I'm very good at that, so I practice my patience and try not too think too much about it. Then we get distracted. Some friends have leftover oysters from their Thanksgiving gathering and won't we please come help finish them. Again, no need to twist my arm.

We decide that part 2 can wait until today. Not a one time only offer on the surprise/secret date. Yay! So we wait.

Today, due to a small wild hare, we head to a friend's house to learn how to Baccarat. I think we've got a pretty good handle on the game, it's a lot more fun than I had imagined, though we went with the French rules for Chemin de Fer (Way of Iron) because they were a bit simpler. While at the friend's house, I get a text from our roommate informing us that George is throwing himself a poo party. All over the house. Poor dude.

Come home, clean it up, and think maybe part 2 has to wait until tomorrow (or later). But, roommate rides to the rescue and says he'll keep an eye on George, go ahead. You kids have fun.

Back in the car, and I'm told to close my eyes. Close them! Keep them closed. He leads me by the hand up two escalators and a couple of ramps.

Open your eyes.

An ice rink, a small one with it's own midget zamboni, in the middle of downtown LA. All because he knew I was missing a little bit of what feels like the holiday season to me.

Reason # who-cares-because-I-lost-count-a-long-time-ago why I married him.

Flattered...

2009-11-27T15:18:00.000-08:00

Really, I am. I received this comment yesterday from Modelmental, she of the Sexy Red Frames and stories of her fantastically glamorous modeling life:

Hello lady! (I always think of you as a 'lady' - you just look so poised? You're probably going to laugh your head off at that, but that's the sh*t that happens in this interweb world!)

She thinks of me as a lady. And she was right, I totally laughed my head off in a most un-lady-like fashion. There may have been some snorting involved.

Actually, I don't snort. I get to a point where I stop making noise and someone has to remind me to breathe because I have lost all control of my faculties and may die from laughing too hard. I am akward, in speech, in movement, in thought. I use that to my advantage somedays, to break the ice or to make someone smile, but most days I'm just the gawky girl with really short hair, glasses that make her eyes look smaller than they should be and is repeatedly mistaken for someone much younger than her years. I am looking forward to the day when I see that last part as an asset.

This isn't to say that I don't strive to be a lady, who doesn't want to be seen as elegant and poised? But my ass is a goofy one, and I'm pretty comfortable with that. I'm the girl that most call cute, unless I'm really trying that day (and most days I just don't care that much).

So, I want to thank Modelmental for having this image of me, but I want no harbored delusions. You've all seen me at my absolute best, here being an example (the last photo of that post is one of my favorites ever taken of me). Most days, this is what I look like:

Who's silly? Me? Never!

Not bad, but a little akward. And that's okay by me.

I just thought you should know.

Gratitude

2009-11-26T10:19:00.000-08:00

I just put the pumpkin custard in the oven and Seena is making breakfast before we tackle the fig crostata. We're headed off to Sallie and Theo's for a Thanksgiving meal of duck and whatever else he plans to surprise us with. I expect that it will be a lovely gathering, I'll get to cuddle a baby, and before the night is over I'll have some more photos like this one*:

Nothing beats the urban family when you can't go home to your own.

I made a resolution a few years ago to express my gratitude to the world at large as much as I can. I think I have done well, it's become a part of how I communicate now, but it's always a good thing to reflect on a day that is set aside for that specific activity. Here's the short list of the big stuff:

My supportive, wonderful, goofy husband who amazes me daily (and who just handed me a gorgeous omelette).
Family that might be far away physically but is never far from my thoughts.
The house that we rent, but still have made home, proving (to me) that home is a state of mind, not a mortgage.
Friends who invite you into their home on a holiday because they kind of like you.
A vet who calls you Thanksgiving morning to discuss the health of the old dog that you love.

I could go on and on, but I'm getting a wee bit misty-eyed writing this (it doesn't take much these days), so I'm going to stem the sappiness and wish you all a Happy Thanksgiving. If you get a chance, make someone's day by telling them how thankful you are for their presence in your life. I find you can't say, or hear, that too often.

*I'm taking the better camera today, so hopefully I'll have better pictures.

Needs

2009-11-25T22:29:00.000-08:00

Today being Wednesday meant a happy hour, regardless of the holiday to follow. The group was small compared to most nights, but it was an interesting gathering.

The friend who was recently served with divorce papers came tonight. He's been showing up a lot more lately, much to everyone's delight. He is a source of many smiles and it's wonderful to have him back among us more often. We all knew that he had a settlement meeting this week, and we pushed for details.

I think we may have pushed too hard. I noticed some displeasure at questions that were directed at him. We also have a tendency to throw the soon-to-be ex-wife under the bus. This bothers him. I have a great deal of respect for my friend as he has taken, and continues to take, the high road through this whole ordeal. He has maintained a very even-handed stance and reminded us all that we only know his side of the story. This can't be easy.

I think it is natural in the efforts to comfort a friend who is in the middle of a breakup, whatever kind of breakup, to badmouth the other person. I believe that it comes from a good place. I personally don't think that there is a right or wrong person in any given situation. I know that there are two (or more) sides to every story. But he hasn't repeatedly refused an outstretched hand of friendship. He was my friend first. He is still my friend and I will throw my support to him. Period. End of story.

I learned tonight that I need to temper how I express that support. She's not the devil, just bat-shit crazy (his words, so it's okay). I need to listen to what my friend needs.

I asked him tonight what he wants for Christmas. His answer was that there is no thing he wants, he needs friendship and a hug. The friendship is a given. The hugs are available anytime.

What's Wrong With This Answer?

2009-11-24T22:25:00.001-08:00

If I had a superpower, it would be procrastination. Oh. Wait. I don't need to be a superhero to make use of that one. That happens pretty much All. Of. The. Time.

I've got a paper (draft) due tomorrow that I haven't really worked on much. My own stupid fault, I know, but that means that this post is going to be a little short of end of the stick. Sorry.

On the busses here, they have televisions that run a rotating bunch of trivia questions and interviews with local businesses. When I get on this afternoon I see:

Question: What nation spends, on average, the most time consuming a meal?

Answer: French.

Care to take a stab at what might be wrong with that answer?

Tell Me A Story

2009-11-23T22:13:00.000-08:00

I had so much fun reading what you guys thought about Roommate Communication that when I heard this yesterday, I thought of you all.

So, tell me a story. What do you think would spark this comment?

"My pants just assaulted me."

And... go.

A New Tradition

2009-11-22T21:16:00.000-08:00

As we are a young family, we don't yet have many traditions of our own. I think we may have just co-opted a very old tradition.

Yesterday afternoon, to take our minds off of what felt like impending doom awaiting us at home (it didn't turn out to be, but damn if I couldn't shake that feeling at the time), Seena and I finally saw Julie and Julia. Being lovers of food and in need of fluff, it went down like a much needed, well-made martini*. I left the theater in tears, for a multitude of reasons, but mostly because I am a soft heart and the movie was designed to tug at the heartstrings.

We made our way to the nearest bookstore and purchased Mastering the Art of French Cooking. I resisted the urge to suggest we go to a used bookstore and find one with some history in it. Another person's notes and stains from usage in the kitchen. Now we have one of our own to document our history in and that's kind of exciting. We purchased the book with the promise to each other that we are going to use the book to make Sunday dinner. Every week. Whether just for ourselves or with others, that at least one day a week, we'll hit the kitchen together and tackle a project. We started today with a fish dish.

I have no documentation, just a report that it was an admirable first stab at something new. It's lovely to sit on the couch with a good dinner, a good bottle of wine, in our sweats, in front of The Amazing Race. Cause that's how we roll.

*Please forgive the horrible, forced metaphor. I couldn't help myself.

The Line

2009-11-21T21:58:00.000-08:00

I've often wondered about the desire to write about life, my life, like people outside the usual suspects would care. I've often wondered about the point where I would stop, the thing(s) that I would not post, no matter how much I want to. I found that line today.

It's been an emotionally fraught last day and a half. I don't want to get into details as it involves others where it isn't my place to share. Suffice it to say that the situation has been remedied.

Since I don't feel it appropriate to share, but the happenings have taken up all of my mental space the past 24-ish hours, I am at a loss as to what to post today. Other than I have found the line I am unwilling to cross in blogland, and it's made me curious about yours. Have you found it or did it exist before you put any words on the screen?

Hearts

2009-11-20T23:38:00.000-08:00

In anatomy class today, we dissected sheep hearts. I've never had so much fun dissecting something.

Remember the girl who freaked out before the brain dissection? She skipped class today. Probably for the best.

On a related note, the movie that kept playing through my head during both dissections.

If you haven't netflix-ed it already, do so now. This one, Shawn of the Dead and Hot Fuzz. They make an awesome triple feature.

Stretching

2009-11-19T22:03:00.000-08:00

Thursday is my long day. My chemistry class stretches 5 hours. I leave feeling a bit bunsen burned.

Anita Blake and I are going to crawl into bed.

Here's to stretching toward Friday likes its the last piece of pizza.

2009-11-18T22:07:00.001-08:00

I love Glee. Have you seen Glee? The musical television series? No?

That is but a taste of the glorious guilty pleasures that Glee has to offer. All of the actors do their own singing and dancing (to my knowledge). Some of the vocalists make me cry. Weekly.

I'm sitting in the anatomy lab today working on the circulatory system section of the coloring book* while listening to a genius playlist on my Ipod. It was a playlist created off of a Michael Bublé song, and apparently the only other artist on my Ipod similar to Michael Bublé is Frank Sinantra. Under My Skin came on.

Under My Skin came on and I had a full-blown Glee production number in my head. The Glee kids are in high school and I see them in a high school level anatomy class. Someone starts a foxtrot under a spotlight with the skeletal model, and it eventually expands to include all of the models of the various systems in the body are paired off with each of the performers. It was quite the Technicolor 3 minute fantasy. It killed a few minutes quite nicely.

What's your favorite TV show? What would you do if you could be a producer for a day?

*That coloring book made my husband swipe some really nice colored pencils from his office. It also makes me giddier than should be legal.

A Very Good Day

2009-11-17T21:28:00.000-08:00

Today was one of those days that was just. A. Good. Day. You know the kind I'm talking about? You get up just a minute before the alarm goes off, linger over a cup of coffee, take a shower from a full hot water tank and make it to wherever you need to be just a bit before on time. That was the bones of my day.

The bones got a pretty skin when one of the chemistry group came to me after class to say that she was able to get the right answer, all on her own! It was obviously a big deal for her, it made me smile to know that I had a hand in her triumph. The group then proceeded to get a week ahead on our homework. Yes, we're geeks.

Drinks with friends. Can never go wrong with a margarita and a celebration. Jill got a job after three months of unemployment. We're all really happy for her, though a little bummed she's going to be moving to a different county. *Sad face*

Then, THEN, the best part of the day happened. My parents bought Seena and I tickets to come home for Christmas (thanks Mom and Dad*)! I get to hug my mom, dad and brother before then end of the year, and I get to see winter**!!!! I'm not sure there are enough exclamation points to communicate how happy this makes me.

* Say hi to my mom, she reads it all.

** Don't know if I've mentioned this before, but I MISS WINTER!

Me and My Big But

2009-11-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

Making personal connections at school has proven somewhat difficult. I'm a quiet person, by nature, and I think it comes off as a tad snooty sometimes. I don't mean to, I just don't have a whole lot to say. I'm getting the impression that this puts people off me. Couple that with being declared the local girlie SWATA (Someone With All The Answers), and I spend a lot of time studying alone.

In my chemistry class there's a group that's been working together since the beginning of the semester. It's been somewhat painful to watch this group. While their intentions in working together are good, no one gets it. They end up going in circles around the wrong thing. I've watched from the other side of the room, thinking that I could help, but I had resisted up to this point because I didn't want to look like a know-it-all.

This last week, I took a chance. Two of them came in before class and were debating how to do a problem. They were overwhelmed and over-thinking things.

"I don't mean to but in... but I'm going to. Can you show me where you're having trouble? I've been listening to you guys for a couple of weeks and I think I might be able to help."

Luckily, they didn't take offense. They asked me to join the study group, which met yesterday. I show up at the designated place and time yesterday, expecting a couple of hours (as were the two I was helping). It took us 7 hours. We got through everything, they were beginning to understand things and even enjoy it a little bit. I got the warm fuzzies from helping them, and a better understanding of the concepts from repeating the processes over and over.

All it took was a couple of little wording changes and it clicked. It's a pretty cool thing to watch it dawn on someone. "That's it?!?! That's all it takes?!?!" Yes, it's that simple. No, you're not stupid. I'm glad I could help.

When this group asked me to join them, they told me that they would pay for a tutor. That's not necessary, I just want to help. I want everyone to do well. Watching them get it was payment enough for time.

When we broke for the day, an envelope was pressed into my hands. I was warned that if I didn't take it, I wouldn't be welcome again. I opened it to find $140. I'm not sure how I'm going to thank them.

Sunday Math

2009-11-15T22:47:00.000-08:00

7 hours of tutoring

1 very yummy but very heavy belgian beer on an empty stomach

.5 meat lovers pizza

2 hour movie

Me feeling like

Photo found here.

Small bragging moment: halfway through NaBloPoMo and haven't dropped the ball yet! Yes, that's a record.

Reminder Call

2009-11-14T17:51:00.000-08:00

We found out today that a very good friend was served with divorce papers this morning. He knew this was coming, but I'm sure it's one of those things you can't truly prepare yourself for. I can't say for certain. When I was divorcing, I was the engine behind it. I wanted it done if he wasn't going to try anymore. I can't imagine not having control over that particular process.

This post, from Agirl, was a nice contrast to the bad news. She says more eloquently than I can today what it is to be honest in your view of another. I love Seena, even through, or perhaps in spite of, those things that may get on my nerves some days. Those things matter little compared to those moments that make me come close to tears. Those tears that are happy, but show me how much of a hole would be left if he was no longer there.

I made a choice, to be here next to him. He made the choice to be here next to me. I hope we never lose the ability to talk to each other and remember why we made that choice. Yes, we, it takes three: him, me, and us. I don't ever want to make the choice, or see him make the choice, to let us go. I hope we hang on until we're like these two.

I'm going to give our friend the space he needs to mourn the future he thought he would have. It's never an easy thing.

Photo found here.

Kitchen Recovery: Chestnut Soup

2009-11-13T18:48:00.000-08:00

The chestnuts had bloodied and beaten me. For that evening. I am not one to easily give up.

Whole Foods had jars of chestnuts, peeled and ready for whatever nefarious purposes, sitting right next to the evil little bastards who look so pretty in their dark brown shells (seriously, they're like the creepy, cute kids in horror movies. You know the one's that people assume will do no harm. Yeah. Right.). The jar isn't quite as sexy, but it works.

It was Wednesday night, that means a happy hour with the crew before heading home. That also meant two martinis down by the time I set to work. I was very thankful for the completed prep work.

I rooted out the necessary number of nuts, pulled out the little bags of veggies that I saved from the night before and the bowl of vegetable stock I had made at the weekend and put it all in a pot. 40 minutes later, it was soup.

Yummy soup at that. Filling, but calorically light. Did you know that chestnuts are fat free? I had no clue until I turned the jar around. Made my night.

This may become a regular dinner guest at our table. And jarred chestnuts will be a regular item in the pantry.

You can find the recipe here. The only change I made was to use vegetable stock instead of chicken. Bittman makes the whole chestnut peeling thing sound sooo easy. He lies, but I still love him.

Blurgh*

2009-11-12T21:20:00.000-08:00

First, thank you for your very sweet comments on yesterday's post. Seena read (yes, he reads my ramblings. Say hi, maybe he will someday too) the post and your comments and the response was something like "your blog and readers rock." It definitely warmed my heart. I'm still shocked some days that people take the time to read, and some take the time to respond, to what amounts to a web-bound journal. It's pretty cool.

I had plans to follow-up my Kitchen Disasters post. But...that's not going to happen tonight. Instead, I'm going to watch Tim Gunn tell the final three to "Make it work!" I need to empty my head, been a long day.

The paw sticking out behind his head just kills me.

I'm going to follow his lead very, very soon. Sweet dreams all.

*I'm lifting from 30 Rock, that's how tired I am.

One Year and One Month

2009-11-11T14:41:00.000-08:00

I didn't write about how we marked our one year anniversary because I wasn't writing anything that wasn't school related at that time. I thought a year and month (to the day) would be an appropriate substitute.

We're cute. We remind each other of this every day. So cute, in fact, that we managed to gift each other with extremely similar things for our anniversary. I gave him a Moleskine book with my favorite photo from the wedding day (that one up there, he took it with his Iphone) and a little note looking back over the year. It was done with the intention that we'd continue to document us with a photo from 10/11 and little blurbs about the years. He gave me some beautiful handmade paper for the very same purposes, only to hold our life in scroll form, not book. We never discussed gifts, we just did it. Like I said, cute.

We went to dinner that night, ate oysters and drank champagne until I was a bit wobbly in my heels (doesn't take much). It reminded us of the honeymoon: our last night in Chicago we found ourselves in a champagne bar with a bottle of bubbles and a gifted dozen oysters. People like newlyweds. At a restaurant in Santa Monica we talked some about all that's happened in the last year, what we want to do over the next year and the best part of the wedding.

We were teammates before the wedding, but there's something about adding the solidity of marriage. There's something about the word "husband" that fills those tender places inside to the brim with warmth and comfort. It also provides a bit of emotional armor. I feel brave enough to take some chances I might not on my own because he's there when I get home. He's there to jump up and down with me when I succeed or to hug me and let me cry when I fail. The best part is I get to do the same for him.

We have lots of projects and dreams. We add new ones almost everyday. I don't want that to ever end. We make plans, we move forward. We know the sacrifices we're making now to get me through my biggest project, school, are tiny and temporary compared to what they will give us as a family later. We are a constant comforting warmth at each other's side, and we're looking out in the same direction.

A year and a month ago, we said vows to each other in front of people who mean the world to us and will hold us accountable. Then we had a really great party. It was a great day. It was, and will be, one of many. There's been a lot that's happened in the last year, a lot of really great things. They, too, will be few of many. It was a quick ride last year, and this year doesn't look like it will slow down at all.

The best part of a wedding? That married bit afterward.

Kitchen Distasters: Bested by Chestnuts

2009-11-10T16:31:00.000-08:00

I've posted a few time about stuff I've made. It's also been in the "this turned out so well" vein. I feel it's only fair to share the times I fall on my face. What follows is the story of how last night's dinner went from something really wonderful-sounding to IKEA meatballs and a box of dried pasta.

I've been using the library for the last couple of months to test drive cookbooks. One of the last batch that I brought home is The Minimalist Cooks Dinner, by Mark Bittman. I enjoy his approach to food, he likes simple but refined food. We've tried a few other recipes from the book, and they were big successes. The only thing I'm such a fan of is he's not so minimalist in the number of pots required to complete a recipe.

So, it's fall, I'm missing the chilly weather and the way you can eat when there's chilly weather. I decided last year to ignore the fact that thermometer reads 80 degrees in the middle of November and cook the soups, stews and chili I want. Last night I tried to take a run at the chestnut soup recipe in the aforementioned book.

We found chestnuts at Super King, priced very reasonably. I like roasted chestnuts, I read up on how to handle the nut in its shell and thought "I can totally do that!" Famous last words.

I come home to an empty house (quiet time is awesome) and set to work. I say to myself (quiet time also means I talk to myself. A lot.): "Self, let's attempt this 60 minute bread recipe as well. We've got time and it looks pretty easy." I mix up the bread dough and set it to rise. I score the chestnuts, as directed, and pop them in the oven. Here's what I pull out:

This is how they are supposed to look. I'm thinking this is cake! We'll have a lovely soup with a salad and this yummy bread. Into the oven goes the bread.

And now the wheels fall off.

The shells on the nuts would not come off as nicely as I had hoped. I have the blood under my fingernails (still) that proves how unwilling they were to give up their shells and pellicles. The few that I did manages to wrest from their homes were bad.

Then the bread. I've baked bread before, it's always come out gorgeously. Something went horridly awry (well several things went horridly awry last night) in the baking process. Well, actually, it probably was a baker headspace error. For whatever reason, I didn't put anything on my baking sheet to keep the bread from sticking. I ended up with a bread loaf bowl because the bottom of the bread was so stuck (how stuck was it?) that it took two soakings and a big metal spatula to clean off the sheet.

Then my husband came home, and we attempted to roast some more chestnuts. He said he had done a few the night before and it wasn't too hard. I think he has some selective memory problems, or he got the few good nuts from the bag.

He soothed my (very) hurt ego, gave me a hug and a glass of wine. I declared the whole endeavor a big, fat FAIL. He pulled out the meatballs and pasta. I supervised, as I obviously could not be trusted to boil water last night.

Not one to be bested (especially by some little nut), I payed a visit to Whole ~~Paycheck~~ Foods tonight and bought a jar of peeled nuts. I've got a soup to make.

Roommate Communication Revealed

2009-11-09T17:38:00.001-08:00

You guys totally crack me up! I'm a little hesitant to post what this photo actually means because it seems wholly uncool compared to what all of you came up with. Also, I would like to let you know how much my day was made with the comments about S & B being awesome. Made me smile.

Anyway, the big reveal:

See, totally not as cool as what you guys had to say.

A bit of explanation, cause that's how I roll: Josh is a friend of Seena and Shane's who is an avid cyclist. The phone stuff is present because Shane's been having problems with his phone and/or phone battery for a couple of weeks. He went and got it fixed.

One last thing, apparently the crown is a Basquiat crown. I had no idea, my architect husband schooled me.

Happy Monday!

Roommate Communication

2009-11-08T20:19:00.000-08:00

The method of communication used when plans for the day haven't been communicated between us and the roommate. I could explain, but I would love to know what you see.

Kitchen Adventures: Curing Olives, Part 1

2009-11-07T19:57:00.000-08:00

I've started shopping at a Super King, a supermarket that targets the latin american and middle eastern populations around us. They got some crazy prices on produce and the like (seven pounds of onions for $0.99, for example), and it's cut our grocery budget way back. The store gets a little crowded, but I'll take a few cart fender benders in exchange for some extra cash in our checking account.

Last week, I'm doing the shopping and come across a huge bin of fresh green olives. I love olives, love love love them. A project was born.

I finally looked up how to cure olives, and was frightened immediately by the results requesting lye. Yikes. I finally found a relatively simple procedure that takes a bit of time, but could be fun. Once I'm done with dinner tonight, I'll be smashing olives and setting up a water cure. If this works like I hope, I'll be buying a bunch more olives from Super King very soon.

Got any random kitchen projects in the works?

Scene from a Starbucks

2009-11-06T23:21:00.000-08:00

Giant cookie, midget coffee.

I sat at Starbucks this afternoon, killing time until an appointment with the eye doctor (I get new glasses tomorrow to match the new haircut today, yay!) and witnessed some awesome...I'm not quite sure the word for it, you'll have to help me out.

There's a pretty good sized horse race track not far from where I live, it holds races off and on year round. The races are running tomorrow, and one of the jockeys happened to be sitting next to a table of folks planning to head out for the races. The jockey piped up and told the group that he's riding in a few of the races tomorrow. Oh really, said the people. And so the scene began.

One of the group asked the jockey what got him into horse racing. Jockey is from Brazil, horses are a big thing. "Oh, so you're choices were horses or playing soccer, huh?" As far as I could tell the man who delivered the question was serious, and I Jockey had the same thought. I had to look up from my book at that point, couldn't quite believe something like that had actually been said. Jockey smiled and sort of agreed in an obviously unimpressed manner. "Well, I bet you're a pretty good soccer player anyway. It's genetic for you guys, right?" Wow. I mean, just wow.

Jockey continues to be pretty nice, until someone says something to the effect of "You speak some kind of Spanish, don't you?" He gently corrected them (it's Portuguese, none of the group seemed to know this. "Hmph, well it sounds like Spanish."), chugged the rest of his drink and bid the group a lovely evening.

I was made pretty uncomfortable by the little exchange because it rang of some very deep-seated stereotyping. There's plenty more to Brazil besides soccer and horses. Yes, those are probably the things we hear the most about, but give the guy, and his country, some credit.

Tell me what you think? Did I read too much into that?

Filler

2009-11-05T21:48:00.000-08:00

Favorite quotes from chem class this week:

Dr. Mendez: "...and that's a hyperbaric chamber."

Classmate: "Is that what they put Darth Vader in that made him breathe loudly?"

Dr. Mendez: "Two extra points for anyone who has the answer. Anybody? *I raise my hand* Anybody new?"

Dr. Mendez: "Anybody figured this one out yet? *I give the answer* Okay, since you've had too many of the answers so far today, I'm going to say that was wrong."

Things I'm missing right now:

Walking under something like this.

Wearing things like this (and really needing it).

Photo of tree from here, and coat from here, until it finds its way into my closet.

Pretty Pretty Prettiness

2009-11-04T17:29:00.000-08:00

Husband came home last night, picked me up off the floor and mopped up my puddle. He reminded me* again why I married him**. I've got a teammate who helps me remember we're in this together and this little setback, as he so succinctly put it, "'Tis but a flesh wound." Made me laugh. Laughs and hugs cure just about anything, and if they don't, something's really wrong. Nothing school related is ever that bad.

Then Dana, the Broke Ass Bride, made my day today. Made my day and made sure I'm going to spend some money in the future. RentTheRunway.com. In the words of Rachel Zoe, I die.

Hello Christmas Party Dress

Catherine Malandrino's Smoking Shoulder Dress

I've got invitations, if you want. There's a waiting list to sign up otherwise. That beauty up there? $75 for a four day rental. *Girly excited hand-clapping and giggling goes here.*

*As he is wont to do daily, in the best way possible. I am a lucky girl.

**There's about a google of reasons. I find at least one or two new ones everyday.

Spring a Leak

2009-11-03T17:53:00.000-08:00

*Warning: over-dramatization ahead.*

Ever have one of those days where a part of your grand plan doesn't fit anymore and you have to start over? You know that this isn't anything major, can totally take it in stride and everything will be as it should be, but it still sets you back for a bit? Makes you want to cry? I'm there.

The economic shit storm that this state finds itself in is affecting every person here in some adverse way. It came home for me in the form of a class I need to take to transfer to a four year university next fall being unavailable in the winter semester because of budget cuts, making my supplemental nursing application to said four year null and void. No way around it. You can only apply once per year, they choose the fall and spring class from the same pool of applicants. So I get to add one more year to the timeline.

In some ways, this could be a good thing. It will give me some time to take some extra classes that would enable me to apply to more than one school, allow me to aim a bit higher. With that thought comes my wish to visit my 19 year old self and smack me upside the head. I really dug myself a hole during my first college try. I'm making up for it now, but that little number that is GPA will never be up to my now rigorous standards as a result of young me's stupidity.

I feel like a bit of a failure today.

So, tonight I'm thankful for an empty house for a while. I want a hot bubble bath and a glass of wine, but our lovely rental is not equipped with a bathtub that will cover both nipples and knees at the same time. I'll try the next best thing, for me anyway. I'm going to turn on sensitive song writer guy-with-a-guitar music really loud. I'm going to lay in the floor, let the music thump the tension out of my shoulders, sing until I'm hoarse and let my eyes spring the leak they so desperately want.

Tomorrow, I'll start laying the breadcrumbs down the altered path. Everything will look better in the morning, when my eyes aren't puffy.

Good Luck With That

2009-11-02T17:29:00.000-08:00

I'm going to preface this whole story with the fact that I have not thought long and/or hard enough to have a deeply rooted stance on animals used for dissection in schools. I know that the other option is humans. I know that a lot of horrible things were done to various species of our furry friends in the name of science. I'm hoping that technology is getting to a place where we will have a viable alternative that doesn't involve dead animals in "lunch trays" (was told today this is the correct name) or someone's relative on a slab. That said, those options do not yet exist. I get a bit squeamish, but I get over it.

We're studying the nervous system in anatomy currently. Most of the models we have used up to this point have been plastic, or dried bone. Nothing too squicky. We all were given the syllabus the first day of class, where it is clearly stated that a sheep brain would be dissected during the nervous system unit. I thought it would happen Wednesday, but no dice. Today it was.

I've been amazed at how many students don't read the syllabus. Why would you not want to know what was coming? Several people made noise about not knowing. One girl had a full on FREAK OUT!! Somehow, she got though high school without setting scalpel into anything. She just flat refused for no apparent reason other than she didn't want to, and her teachers let her. I've dissected a frog, a squid and two fetal pigs. I didn't much enjoy it, but you buck up and get through it.

So, this fellow student was working herself up into quite the tizzy. The brains start to come out of the jars and she's on the verge of tears lamenting the poor, cute, dead sheep. She doesn't ever want to dissect anything and no one can make her.

Then she delivers the kicker.

You ready for this?

She wants to be a veterinarian.

Halloween in WeHo

2009-11-01T18:01:00.000-08:00

I haven't really done much for Halloween for the last few years. Haven't really participated in Halloween fully since my mid-teens probably. Last night we had dinner with some friends who live in West Hollywood and had the chance to walk to the West Hollywood Halloween Carnaval. One of those things on the "To Do While I Live in LA" list.

A bit of background on WeHo: it's the gay center of the city. I've seen several men walking dogs in the area, chihuahuas (on leashes, they crack me up), wearing nothing but short shorts and an oily chest. No joke. So going into this, I was expecting...more. Or less, depending on how you look at it.

The costumes were somewhat unoriginal on the whole. A few Balloon Boys. Lots of old school Mario Brothers. Tons of Fairy Boys. Loads of women dressed as slutty *whatever*. A few wearing nothing but body paint, pasties and panties. And glitter, lots of glitter.

So, after dinner, we strolled up to Santa Monica Boulevard. They close down a mile and people in costumes parade up and down for 5 hours. Some gawkers, like us, wander around and try not to get lost.

They (whoever "they" are) estimated several hundred thousand people dropped in.

That many people, and the couple of glasses of wine with dinner, left me feeling a bit dizzy.

Some people chose some oldies, but goodies (if only I could pull off Leia).

My favorite. See the bush? The bush was armed with an airhorn. Better than the human statues I've seen elsewhere.

Seena and I are kicking around ideas for costumes for next year. Got any for us?

Nope, Not Dead Yet!

2009-10-31T10:42:00.000-07:00

I just looked at the last time I posted, and am horrified that it's been over two months. I cruised past the few blogs I read now, I have less time on my hands for killing on the internet than I did when I worked (funny, that), and noticed this wonderful lady is back. Made my day, and made me realize what a slacker I've been. Sorry about that.

A quick fill-in on the last couple of months: trip to Australia (wonderful and necessary), back to school (also wonderful, necessary and so very fulfilling), and one year wedding anniversary (holy shizz, where did it go?). I don't work anymore, and have lots of thoughts on that to share. Lots of stories from school. I hope to get in on the discussion happening over at Meg's place, it's about time someone got it going. I've not found a whole lot out there about newlywed life that isn't headed straight for kids and/or house and whatnot. Not that there's anything wrong with that, just not where we are.

Anywho, just wanted to say that I'm not dead yet. I'll be less of a stranger. I'll leave you with a bit of what I do everyday now.

Happy Halloween!

In Between

2009-08-23T01:57:00.000-07:00

I'm unemployed now. The job ended a little over a week ago. I have successfully transitioned to speaking of The Hernandez Law Group in the past tense. It feels good. I am very sorry for the friends who were laid off the following week. I hope if means better things are waiting for them.

We're halfway through our Sydney escapades. I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around that one. It feels like we have been here for much longer, in the best way possible.

Time has slowed down in that way you always hope for on holiday, I feel like I'm experiencing the place, not just dragging myself from sight to sight. My birthday was two days ago, and while it wasn't quite the day I had in mind and was a bit disappointed as a result, it is no way a blemish on this fantastic trip.

We've been to the mountains, trekked around a sliver of the city, seen the Royal National Park. I'm ever so thankful for the friends we have at home whose generosity extends to the households of family here. I hope to be as active, and cool, as the 79 year old man we are staying with. He is incredible.

I'm grateful that Seena and I are taking this time. I'm glad we're splurging on a couple of nights in a posh hotel in the city. Twin size trundle beds don't really scream romance, if you know what I mean *wink wink, nudge nudge*. I'm glad that the break from work to school is as clear as can be.

I'm in no hurry for the trip to end, but I am excited for what awaits me at home. A pile of text books and a bicycle to put together.

The End

2009-08-12T14:54:00.000-07:00

I leave my job on Friday, for good. It's been over six months in the making and the office has known for about two months. When I first gave my notice, August 14th felt really far away. People would ask me for a countdown, I had no idea.

Currently, the countdown stands at 2 days.

I was stripped of most of my work responsibilities about a month ago when I began training my replacement. She's going to do great.

This week is proving to be a bit surreal. I worked the last Monday I will have to work for the foreseeable future. Yes, I'm going to be in classes fulltime come August 31, but that doesn't really feel like "work." I like school, I'm excited to go back. I get a lot of flack for being "wierd" when I tell people that.

I spent a great deal of time struggling with feelings of guilt and selfishness when Seena and I discussed the step I am taking now. I know that going back to school, completing a degree of some kind will benefit our little family more in the long run than any financial sacrifice we are making now. I know this. It is my mantra, but I can't shake the feeling that I'm being selflish by asking to be taken care of. I realize I'm will not be shopping and lunching my days away, but still. I like be a contributor to the house and the independence I feel as a result of that contribution. I have also never, ever quit a job without having another one to step into. Our household is about to lose half of its income, I am not exaggerating, and this scares the poo out of my uber-practical self. By some miraculous happenstance, I've worked for a boss for the last (almost) 3 years who pays an administrative assistant as much as my architect husband working for a corporate firm. The selfish feeling has diminished enough that I know I can do this, and I will kick ass. That's what I do. It's the A+ way or the highway.

This week feels like I am the last downslope of what's been a very hilly ride. I'm cleaning up my desk, I'm trying to download my brain onto paper for those I'm leaving and I'm taking a few minutes with my friends to (playfully) rub it in that come next Monday, they're still going to be here.

Friday has always been the end point, the day to look forward to. This Friday is even more monumental in that regard. I leave, I get on a plane and enjoy Sydney for two weeks with my wonderful husband and I return to life at school. I dive in head first to a pretty heavy semester.

Let's hope I don't belly flop.

Kitchen Adventures: The Library

2009-07-29T09:09:00.000-07:00

It would appear that there haven't been too many forays into the kitchen in recent months, and that's partially right. The other issue is I haven't been a very good about documenting what we have done. After work, I have had my nose stuck in books because of my summer class, which may have kept me from the kitchen, but it got me thinking about my kitchen library.

The current library

I think I have mentioned before that I am a recipes person. I am beginning to be more comfortable cooking by feel, but some days I want the instructions. I am confident enough in my abilities that when given a specific set of instructions, I am usually very pleased with how the meal turns out. Having a recipe also increases the meditative quality of cooking for me, if I don't have to do any thinking beyond how many carrots need to be chopped, I can untangle the mess in my head and feel much better about whatever by the time I sit down to eat.

"How does this tie into her tiny cookbook library?" you may be wondering. Good question. As you can see, it's not very big. I usually hit up the internet for recipes, though the books you see here come in handy occassionally. I'm also very reluctant to spend too much money on cookbooks because: 1) they are usually very large, and 2) I don't normally find more than a few recipes in any one book that interest me. What I really want is a small kitchen library with books that contain everything from super-basic to the 50 ingredient monsters that take days. I want that in just a few books. Where to find that?

Enter Mark Bittman. He who informed me of the glorious no-knead bread, and his wonderful compendium of picnic ideas. I may be pretty late to the Bittman table, but I am oh so glad I found it. How useful (and exactly what I'm looking for) is How to Cook Everything and How to Cook Everything Vegetarian? Um, yeah, useful and exactly what I'm looking for.

I finally had a chance to get these two books in my greedy little hands this past weekend while wandering through a book store, something I haven't done in far too long. They are hefty beasts, but I think they are just the encyclopedias to anchor my intended collection. Sitting next to the Everything's was another Bittman book: Mark Bittman's Kitchen Express. This is the cookbook equivalent of my husband. No measurements at all, no real ingredient lists, just perfect little paragraphs telling how to put something really yummy sounding together in a flash. I drool and I covet.

I would also, someday, like to add some Child and Pepin, but these will not be books used and abused daily. Hopefully I can begin to collect them soon.

What are your go-to culinary guides? Any more reccomendations for me?

Jumping Jacks and Squeaky Floor Boards

2009-07-22T11:16:00.000-07:00

First, let me say that having an extra person in the house is going well. I will never complain when I have four hands in the kitchen wielding knives, prepping a needlessly long list of ingredients for my latest "this will be quick" dinner. Or an extra set of hands that doesn't mind doing the dishes. It's pretty awesome.

Seena and I have decided to drop the gym, trying to make personal budget cuts in advance of my return to student-hood. I registered for classes last week, 14 credits (eeep!). To replace the gym, we've decided to do what we can at home. I started by purchasing Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. We're also trying to exercise in the morning. Yes, that means 5:30 AM wake up calls.

Yesterday, we get up, roll out the mats and hit play. Good morning, Intense! My thighs are still sore. Shane, poor guy, walks out of his room about 8 minutes into our little workout session with this half-ticked, half-confused look on his face. He stares at us while we mime jumping rope and wave a bright, happy "good morning!" and then disappears back into his room. It dawns on me at this point that we forgot to warn Shane we would jumping around in the living room at a slightly ungodly time of the morning. Oops, roommate FAIL. We don't see Shane again before we leave.

I go home at lunch, as per usual, to walk George. I apologize for the morning mix up and he tells me it was no big deal. He wasn't really asleep, just dishevelled, and thought we were, you know, doing "it." The television volume was turned down in the hope that we wouldn't disturb Shane. Seena was performing his jumping jacks on the squeaky floor boards, so instead of "push yourself, you can do it!," most of what Shane was hearing sounded a bit like squeaky springs. Bed springs. Suffice it to say, he was a bit surprised to see what he did when he opened his door.

Dogs

2009-07-14T10:43:00.000-07:00

I follow DogArteest on Twitter and she is doing a free dog portrait contest. G is entering, in all of his old dog, "where's my whiskey" glory. I love my dude.

The photos all look a bit similar, as his favorite positions are laying in his bed or laying on the couch. He isn't the most active of dogs, but he's cute. At least I think he is.

He was asleep for this one, but it makes me smile. He exudes exasperation a lot of the time.

We're watching these 14 week old Golden Retrievers, littermates Li and Lu, this week. This was the only moment they've been stil since we got to the house. I know their owners would love their portrait.

Babies

2009-07-01T16:59:00.000-07:00

This is Marta and Paolo. They just had a baby seven weeks ago.

We just met the little one this past Saturday evening at the pub.

Yes, the pub. We had drinks next to rolling a bassinet that was, thankfully, facing away from me. Kept me from turning into a baby-talking goo puddle. Emma is adorable. Marta and Paolo are over the moon happy and relatively well rested for newbie parents. They glowed, both of them.

Marta told Seena that she thinks we’ll be great parents. I almost couldn’t wait to get him alone to ask what his thoughts were on that comment. I also wanted to know how being around such a laidback bunch. Emma slept virtually the whole time; she seems like a very content little humanoid. "Seeing these three makeshim feel good about having kids," he said. *Cue the mental happy dance.*

Paolo told us of all the friends who shared their newborn horror stories. They were the first to admit that the parents with the horror stories had spent much of the time leading up to the birth thinking about how stressful life with a newborn would be. They got what they were expecting.

I know that there will be a huge shift in the house when a biped makes its way into our life (not for several years, mind you, just on my mind. Lots of our peeps are having little ones), I’m not questioning that. I am pretty convinced that babies are empathetic little projection screens that will reflect whatever they are sensing from those around them. Stressed parents = stressed and screaming baby. Happy parents = content baby and glowing parents. I hope we can manage the latter equation.

I offered my services babysitting, maybe I’ll get some time to hang with Emma in the near future. She might tug at my ovaries, but it will be good practice.

I also learned that beer is good for a lactating mother. YIPEE! In moderation, of course, but a fun factoid I was unaware of. Thank you, Marta, hearing that made me happy.

Photo by the ever-talented Mia.

Thoughts on Second Weddings

2009-06-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

Two friends, Mary Beth and Brad, announced their engagement at the party we threw a couple of weeks ago. I am ecstatic for them. They have decided that they will be having a short engagement period and will tie the knot in October. It's the second wedding for both of them.

When discussing wedding plans with Mary Beth, she had appeared to try to downplay the whole thing. She talked about handing over the event, in its entirety, to a friend who had offered to throw them an engagement party. I'm not sure if this is still the plan, but it sounds like things are starting to develop into a bit more than she first had in mind. I think she's enjoying the turn her thoughts have taken.

Our wedding was my second wedding. I struggled through an extra helping of bridal guilt as a result. I felt like there had to be a justification for our desire to celebrate with those that we loved. One of the first questions I received after announcing that Seena and I were engaged was "Are you just going to go the courthouse and get it over with?" followed closely by "Why now?" It made me feel like I needed to downplay the importance of this very special ceremonial moment. I'm so glad that I worked through it.

Seena, this morning at brunch, told Mary Beth and Brad about his feelings on the most important thing to do in wedding planning. Edit. I agree with him wholeheartedly, though there is thought I want to add when the second wedding layer is added. Do not let talk of what is or is not appropriate for a second wedding, a second marriage, make you feel like you have to diminish the significance of the commitment you are making to each other. Just because you've done it before does not make this relationship that you have now any less meaningful or sacred. Odds are, though they may tell you differently, that friends and family want to celebrate the both you and the life you intend to share as much as if you were marrying for the first time. Maybe with fewer gifts, but that's not the point of this ritual. The point is to voice your commitment to and love for one another in front of the people who matter most and will hold you accountable to your words when you may have trouble remembering why you said them. The best part about the second go round the wedding track is that you can remove all that you feel is unnecessary and have the day as you wish it, whether that is the courthouse or a church wedding for 200.

This isn't your second wedding, it's your last. Should I have the honor of receiving an invitation, I'll be there with bells on and help you celebrate, however you choose to do so, in the fullest manner possible. You deserve it.

Itchy Trigger Finger

2009-06-02T15:55:00.000-07:00

My secret's out. I gave my notice at work yesterday, and what a relief it is. Mind you, I still have two and a half months left, but at least I don't have to be so quiet about my plans anymore. Talk of Australia is going to occur in the office, I am not sad about this.

You just registered that two and half months bit, didn't you? Why such a long notice? Grab a cuppa whatever makes you happy and allow me to recount how not to win people over or make friends at the office.

Ready? Cool, here goes.

Most people that I work with, and like, knew my plans. I had let most of the support staff in on the news a while ago, I didn't want to take them by surprise or feel like they were being left in the shit. One of the paralegals who knew, F, was giving me a heads up about a project that I would need to back him up on while he is out of the office over the next couple of weeks. Normally, not such a big deal, but the attorney heading up this project is most definitely the tippity-top of the not my favorite people list at the moment (made me stay late on a Friday due his uber-anal-ness, but didn't bother to hang around to make sure he was happy with the final product. It happens, and it looks petty now that I've written it, but it's a symptom of a larger problem, to be saved for another day). F wanted to be sure that the upcoming deadline wasn't going to cause me an ulcer. He sends me an email saying as much.

I reply to F's email telling him all will be fine, I'm a professional, and should I need them, I've got a spare pair that clank in my purse. F is happy he can count on me. Again, said as much in an email.

F's "thanks, glad I can count on you" email arrives in my inbox at the very same moment another attorney's email arrives. Let's call this attorney C. C's email has nothing to do with my conversation with F. I think I am writing back to F that he can count on me for two and a half more months and that I'll be letting the boss-man know while F's on vacation. I hit send with my impossibly itchy trigger finger before looking at the rest of the screen.

Suddenly, an email from C arrives asking where she is going in two and a half months, what's the significance, what am I telling the boss. Oh. Crap.

I try to brush it off and tell her that it was a reply meant for F, nothing significant, just a little joke. I hit reply on the wrong email. Once again, I hit send, thinking this should be the end of it.

Oh how wrong I was, boss-man is standing in my office within five minutes wanting to know what I would be telling him in two and half months. I lay it out. He takes it much better than I expect. I breathe a sigh of relief.

I assumed that C understood what my comment meant, hence why she would forward it to the boss. Wrong again, she thought I was bad-mouthing her, apparently the universe centers on C and anything that is uttered in our office has something to do with her, most often negatively. She's not far off the mark, in most cases (sad, but true), but she was way off this time. She sort of apologized later, I thanked her for expediting my notice giving. I meant it, as odd as that may sound. My relief at not having to keep that bit of information out-wieghed my anger at her. It did nothing to dampen my astonishment at the size of her ego and insecurities, but I couldn't really be mad at her.

My coworkers took up that mantleof righteous indignation for me.

They did me proud.

Getting Dirty: Taking it to the Kitchen

2009-05-29T10:18:00.000-07:00

Our little garden has taken to it's tiny spot rather well. Monday night, we discovered a 14" long zucchini waiting to be eaten. Pretty awesome. The seeds we planted almost three months ago look like plants. Hoobs pulled the carrots today.

I believe they are Sweet Nantes, but I'll have to check the seed packet to be sure. Also, the coffee mug you see in the background? I haven't yet named it, but it's been throroughly anthropomorphized (along with the radio, television, subwoofer on the Alien speakers) with Inanimate stickers from Perpetual Kid. That cup is actually a representation of Brandi before and after coffee, the after side is what you're looking at. I'm currently coveting the Gnome-Be-Gone yard decor. Makes me giggle.

In other Chateau BSG news, we gained a new S last night. Shane has arrived and is prepared to take movie world by storm from our tiny second bedroom. Adventures with Roomie commences.

T-minus two weeks-ish and I tell my boss to stuff it. In much more diplomatic terms of course, and it's an extended stuff it. It'll be a two months notice, but it will be nice not to have it such a closely held secret. Well, not so close I guess, all but three in office know what's about to happen. I was warned to give ample notice to everyone else, lest they smite me.

Shameless self-plug: in preparation for the big prison break, I've become a mark. representative. It's the young, trendy arm of Avon. Good products, good prices, and no need for me to recruit anyone or sell a certain amount. Though selling something would be good! If you're in the market for some new products, jewelry, bags or clothing, go check out my site. Add something to your bag and feel good for supporting a soon-to-be nursing student. I and my checking account will thank you.

Have a good weekend!

Dorks with Camera

2009-05-28T11:16:00.000-07:00

I've been doing that a lot lately, dorking with the camera. I wouldn't call myself a photographer by any means, I'm just playing around.

Here's a few from yesterday:

A reason to love Trader Joe's (as if I need more), $7 peonies.

My old dog who has one foot out the door in more ways than one.

Out for a walk.

Surverying the landscape.

A typical Wednesday night.

Seena and Brandi's Lots of Fun, Family Filled, Very Long Weekend

2009-05-28T10:06:00.000-07:00

This past weekend. Where to begin?

Coming Home

We left LA Wednesday night and flew into Denver. Seena's mom, Mary, picked us up at the airport and told us how happy she was that the "Lord of the Manor" was home. Quite a greeting. She had a roasted leg of lamb waiting for us at home, it was 10:15. We went to bed heavy and full.

Shane and Seena

Seena and I ran away to Boulder, where Seena went to college, Thursday. We met up with Shane, who arrives and takes up residence with us tomorrow. Seena took me to the first architecture firm he worked for. I love getting bits of his history, getting to know the man I never met.

My grandparents arrived Thursday afternoon. My parents arrived Thursday night. Friday afternoon was spent in the company of everyone. A saunter up the road to A&W for burgers and root beer floats. It makes my heart very happy that everyone gets along as well as they do. It's such a shift from what I've known in-law politics to look like up until now. Friday night, Seena and I took Mary to see Star Trek and out to dinner as a belated Mother's Day celebration. If you haven't seen Star Trek yet, stop reading and go. It's that good.

Saturday Mary, Seena and I were treated to the biggest lunch I have ever eaten. Former neighbors asked us to dim sum and controlled the table. The gentleman just kept ordering, 2 orders of everything. There were five of us at the table. Most dim sum orders contain 4 to 5 pieces of whatever is on the plate. I thought I was going to pop.

Because my grandma spoils me, we followed up the dim sum marathon with fried chicken. You know, something nice and light. It was so worth the slight distress my intestines experienced later. Grandma's fried chicken is the best.

Grandma gave us all an encore on Sunday morning, biscuits and chocolate gravy. Yes, you read that right, chocolate gravy. I grew up eating it at Grandma's house and it has become quite a treat for me. Just don't put it on my eggs, some of my family does that, it kind of grosses me out. I can eat, and like, things like sea urchin. Chocolate on eggs makes me a bit pukey.

Then came the party prep. The whole reason for this trip was Mary throwing a party to celebrate our marriage for those who couldn't make it to the wedding but live near Denver. She is 1 of 7 girls. 6 of them were present for set-up of the party. It was quite interesting to watch the dynamics of that many sibling relationships. Mary is the oldest, and sees herself as a general of sorts. The rest seem to go along with a bit of eye roll and "whatever you want, Mary." There was a meeting that brought the work that was going, based on the task list we had all received by email three weeks prior, to a halt so that we could go over the task list. It made me giggle. My mantra for the day was: "This is not my party." More planning and logistics went into this party than our wedding.

The doors opened at 2. Some of Mary's neighbors showed up 5 minutes before, they turned into a group of about 20 Early Birds. Seena and I were stationed at the door for the bulk of the time greeting people as they arrived. A long running receiving line. I met a lot of people, somewhere between 70 and 80 showed up. Most were family and friends of Seena and Mary I had not yet met. It was great to put faces with names. So wonderful to be so accepted so easily. My family mingled and chatted. Seena's Uncle Bill and my grandpa seemed to hit it off. Everyone had a great time. The Early Birds stayed off to one side of the room and stood up as a group at 4:30 and left. They got their free food, they were done.

Seena and I were able to meet up with a couple of his younger cousins later Sunday night, just four of us. One who Seena looked up to as an older sibling, and one who looks up to him. Seena was surprised to hear this. His family thinks a lot more of him than he realizes.

Breakfast as MickeyD's

Monday was breakfast with the parents and grandparents and waiting for the clock to strike time to leave for the airport. Home again, home again. Picked up the dog, got fed by friends, crashed. Crashed hard. How I had missed our bed.

It was, all in all, a wonderful trip. I love my family and miss them greatly. It's awesome to get everyone together, both sides, in the same place.

Some thoughts I came away with:

1) Visits with family, when you don't live close by, creates stress. Making sure that everyone is happy, making sure they all get along. Making sure I translate their quirks for spouse so that he understands where that behavior comes from, and vice versa. It's can be tiring.

2) Not having our own car makes me feel like a kid. Having to ask to borrow keys, it's like being 17 again.

3) I'm never quite sure what to say when a family member looks at me and says "I don't want you to go." I enjoy my time with family, very much, but there comes a point when I'm ready to go to my home. I think everyone gets there. Even my mom (Hi mom! She's started reading recently) has talked about finding that point when she goes back to Wichita. Where family is: it's home, but it's not.

4) I'm going to miss my family not being near more and more as I get older. There is nothing I can do to change this, but I can feel it coming. As much as I love the life that Seena and I are building, as independent as I think I am, I will never stop needing hugs from Grandma or advice and laughs from Mom.

Happy Tuesday

2009-05-26T11:41:00.001-07:00

Hi.

Hope everyone had a wonderful long weekend. I have much to report about mine, but don't have that much time right now. It was great and interesting. You know, interesting *conspiritorial wink*.

I've been meaning to link to Mia's (good friend, our invitation designer and photographer extraordinaire, all around awesome humanoid) new blog, 39+. It's a great project, a meaningful photo posted everyday, and hugely ambitious. I don't know that I have what it takes to pull off a year long project, I admire her that much more for even attempting something of this scale and her bravery for sharing it with us all. If you've got a moment, go check it out.

Back soon with stories!

Scared and Small

2009-05-18T11:08:00.000-07:00

I'm scared. The last week has brought me face-to-face with insecurities, unknowns and a test of our team's mettle.

A week ago Saturday, I go to class. Not sure if I've explained here, but I'm taking an interpersonal communications class with a "professor" who informed us this week during a discussion of conflict that "a problem may be very minor, or it could be very magnanimous." Yeah. Anyway, she hands back the midterms we took two weeks ago. I got a B. I wanted to cry. Yes, I am that girl, I cry over a B. B's are failure, failure scares me.

Had a great visit with my parents, the air between us all is as clear as could be. I've got both my parents present and supportive of our relationship now, and Seena and Dad get along. Holy crap. A big bright spot and I am so grateful.

A week ago Sunday, threw a baby shower for a friend. Had Mom, Dad, Seena and myself crammed into our kitchen making the food for the shower, which was complimented with full mouths. I love that.

Wednesday night, 10:30 PM, Craig (Seena's mentor and owner of the house where we were married) calls. He's collapsed and needs some help. Not sure if he wants to go to the hospital just yet, please come help. Seena took off and was in the emergency room with Craig until 5:30 AM Thursday. Craig is admitted, eventually found to have something pretty serious and is admitted to the ICU for closer observation. His children fly in, his wife flies home. She had been in Croatia seeing to her mother who had just undergone surgery for cancer. They do not begin to arrive until Friday afternoon, until that time, Seena is the Man. He stepped up, made the phone calls, ran the errands, sent the emails without hesitation. Yet another thing to add to the list of Why I Admire My Husband.

I hesitate to go see Craig in the hospital. Everytime someone I love has been admitted to a hospital, they have not left. This has not happened often, but this has been my experience and I have trouble separating Loved One in the hospital from Loved One is going to die. This scares me.

I find myself thinking about who would we call? Would we have help? I was relieved to answer that with a resounding yes very quickly. This lead me to "What about my parents?" I have no idea what their expectations for situations like this are. Of course, I would get home as soon as I could, but I am not close enough to hold their hand in the back of an ambulance. Who, besides my brother, should I expect a phone call from? I don't even know what their wishes are, where the paperwork is, I just don't know. I had never before really contemplated the fragility of my own parents, they've been there since the beginning, how could they not always be here? Irrational and illogical, I know. This scares me.

We, Seena and I, have not really discussed what we should do for each other should we find ourselves in an unplanned emergency. We're young, we're indestructable! I know we need to have living wills drawn up, discuss wishes, how far we would want treatment to go. Just the thought of not having my husband around scares me.

I've watched Seena confront a lot of his own fear this week. How to go on at work without his mentor for the foreseeable future, how much he doesn't want to be in Craig's position, doesn't want to live his life. How frustrated he has been by other's reactions, or lack thereof, to what has happened. How this has brought him back to the time when he lost his father. I felt pretty useless when it came to helping him with the logistics of what was going on. It was my job to help hold Seena together. There were a couple of days I thought he was on the edge of a Major Freakout and all I could think to do was love and protect, wihtout plattitudes. It does no one anyone good to reduce the tangled up mass of complicated reactions to a Hallmark card. It has to be dealt with and it's messy. It scares me.

I think we both find ourselves in a place where we just want to run away and hide. It is perceived as the easy road, but in truth, there is no easy road through any of this. I need to talk to my parents. Seena and I need to discuss what we want. I find it all very morbid, it's territory that every bit of my being wants to avoid. I've realized that my family doesn't really discuss death, or maybe I don't recall us discussing it. I need to feel prepared and having those conversations is the way.

Thankfully, Craig is going to be okay, though he will need to make some huge changes in his life. This has brought he and Seena closer, as well as Seena and the rest of Craig's family.

I feel like an interloper where this family group is concerned. It takes me a long time to get comfortable around people, to feel accepted and welcome. I realize this is comes from within me. They have never been anything but warm to me, but Seena sometimes takes liberties that I am uncomfortable with because of my guardedness. I'm working on it. There is some block in me that prohibits me from feeling like one of the family like Seena so obviously is. This unsettles me.

The thing that feels tiny, in context, is I discovered on Thursday that I am not fully enrolled in the class I have been taking. I'm confident that I will be reinstated, but man, it was like fire ants in my shorts when I found out. I wanted to run down to the registration office and get all Incredible Hulkette. RARRR!

My mom tells me this morning of some scary stuff that going on with one of my cousins. I don't fully understand it as I don't yet have all the details, but I think a bit of a showdown is coming for my cousin and for my family. This will probably cast a shadow over the party Seena's mom is throwing us in Denver next weekend. Hopefully, this party will do for all of us what our oyster shindig did for Seena and I this weekend, give us a break.

I want to run to my grandma and mom this weekend, be taken care of a bit, but I'm going to be a big girl because they've got their own mess to handle.

Being an adult is currently making me feel scared and small.

I Have No Words

2009-05-14T08:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, maybe I have a few. I'm soooo happy! (think Monty Python) being the operative ones.

Meg featured Seena and I today, and she called our wedding cool!! *Teehee*, she thinks our wedding was cool! Totally makes my day.

Anyone who has made there way here through A Practical Wedding, welcome. It's nice to have you.

The Backyard

2009-05-11T15:09:00.000-07:00

Before I tell you (and show you) what we did, I want to say something. We don't own this house, we are but lowly renters as the market in our hood in Southern California is still full of horridly priced houses. Some friends of ours purchased a 2 bedroom house last year in anticipation of their little one's arrival (Emma was born on Saturday, congrats to Marta and Paolo!) for the paltry sum of $500,000. A house in Cali is not in the cards, unless we either win the lottery or hit it big in Vegas. Our little (rented) housey-house is where we plan to stay until we leave the area or the aforementioned windfalls find their way into our bank account.

I have no photos of the backyard at it's worst, just take my word for it, 'twas bad. We didn't want to open the gate, much less think about the work involved bad.

The idea to make the backyard into something great was talked about very shortly after moving in. That was almost two years ago. My architect husband started to talk about it more earnestly about six months ago, throwing around ideas that involved shipping pallettes and various other rescued materials. I was behind these ideas, but knew if we didn't maybe look at something a little more within our grasp, it would never get done. Enter IKEA and the genius of Swedish design.

Four weeks ago, we bought the chemicals to banish the weed forest. Three weeks ago, we bought a shovel and a hoe and made our bodies very, very sore removing the dead weed forest. Then we went to IKEA and spent a lot of money. Two weeks ago, Seena had a fire lit under his heiny that I had nothing with and laid out the front deck on a Friday afternoon. I came home from work and found:

and thought "Holy crap, I have the best husband ever!"

Some of Saturday was spent at the gym and running errands, but we (he) found time to level out the rest of the yard. Sunday we (both of us this time, really) laid the larger deck around the corner. So, if you were to walk to the fireplace you see in the picture above and look to your left, you would see:

This will be the shucking station come Saturday. We're buying two bushels of oysters, 20 dozen (if you could only hear my girly squees of delight), and inviting people over to shuck it and suck it in our newly pretty backyard.

To celebrate our long thought process and short execution, we had dinner on the little deck the night after we finished it. These are what we get when we start dorking around with the camera:

A family portrait

A Doggie Portrait

The Hoobs admiring his handiwork

The view

Remembering to WOOHOO!

2009-05-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a day that frustrated me to the point of tears. I won't go into detail, it's pretty boring to be honest, but I will say that it had nothing to do with home life and everything to do with work life. Surprise.

If I don't want to tell you about it, why am I bringing it up? To share how I didn't let the funk reach any further than my ankle and didn't drag me down. I feel very prone to being dragged in the murky depths of something not very fun lately, very susceptible to throwing myself a pity party at moment's notice because I can't have what I want when I want it. I sound like a two year old about to throw a tantrum, and some days that's exactly how I feel.

So, to banish the cloudy mass of grey of staring at me yesterday, my mom asked me to make a list of yippes, yahoos, woots and whatnot. If you are a person who does not like to read happy thoughts, you may want to leave now.

In no particular order, things that cause The Happy Dance:

It's Friday
My parents are coming to visit this weekend
I'm helping to throw a baby shower this weekend, I'm making pretzels
The baby shower gave me an excuse to go to IKEA and buy cute party supplies
I left IKEA without eating a meatball plate, go me
My dog is cute
Payday is Monday
The computers appear to be working as they should (for the moment. I'm not going to question it)
Our backyard is done (pictures to come soon)
My house is clean
My car is being washed
Star Trek opens this weekend (probably won't get to see it this weekend, but still...)
I start my volunteer gig at the Downtown Women's Center next week
I received my Akoha cards in the mail, I will now spread random sunshine
Boss is not yet in the office this morning
I made a lot of people laugh, big loud belly laughs, last weekend
I got pretty loaded at a party last weekend, I did NOT throwup later that night
We're throwing a party with oysters (and most likely bubbles) next weekend
We're going to Australia in August, for two weeks
We're going to Denver for Memorial day to see/meet family
My squash plants are huge, I'm thinking there will be a vegetable throwdown of some kind as they compete for space
My garden isn't dying
We have air conditioning
My husband makes me laugh daily

I will continue to work in my current position until August 14th. I have to wait a few more months to get back to school, which is making me itchy. I want to be in class, juggling books, the smell of new paper and pencils (I'm crazy, right?), but it has to wait. Just a little longer. It's okay to have a bad day, but I can't lose sight of how good I've got it.

I'm going to go buy the Avenue Q soundtrack and remember, It Sucks to Be Me somedays.

Regardless, It's Only For Now.

The Fit is a Champ

2009-05-06T12:14:00.001-07:00

We own a Honda Fit, it was our wedding gift to ourselves. It rocks. It looks like it wants to growl at you from the front, is a kick in the pants to drive, and will fit 60 IKEA Platta deck tiles and various other IKEA distractions in one trip. Then it will proceed to help you haul home 300 pounds of gravel, 200 pounds of mulch and the tools required to transform a backyard from an overgrown weed forest into someplace you might actually want to spend time. Not bad for an overgrown bullet.

Watch this space for what we did with all that stuff.

With 45 Minutes To Go...

2009-05-01T16:15:00.000-07:00

Not that I'm counting. This has been one of the longest Friday's in recent memory. It just won't end. I did get to have lunch with the Hoobs, that was lovely. I miss being able to do that on a regular basis.

I spent the bulk of my day being very, very frustrated by Excel. I'm viewed as the computer guru in the office, though most of my knowledge is Google-based. Apparently I'm one of a select few who know how to enter something into the little search box. Go figure.

So, today gets broken up by things like a field trip to take a new firm picture and new headshots. Then time just stops. I'm left to stew in my ever growing frustration while staring at a clock that won't go faster. I despise when Friday's turn into one of those days. Today, totally one of those days.

I realize over my lovely lunch with Seena that our May, it's pretty much shot. In great ways, we have lots of functions with friends on the horizon, but still shot. Something every weekend from now until June. This scaresme just a bit. I like my weekends. I am very much looking forward to Theo's soirree (I get to be a back-up girl in the band in an appropriately short LBD), my parents making a quick visit, a baby shower, a trip to Denver to meet more of Seena's family and an open house hosted by Seena's to celebrate our long ago (at least, it feels like it) nuptuals. I also like to the have the chance to just veg. That will be in short supply over the next month. Small trade off to make for all the fun that will be had.

Point being, I began to feel that weight settle in my chest. You know the one I'm talking about? Let's call it a fun sucking mood killer. I hear the intentionally mean remarks leaving my mouth and not wishing to stop them. My boss barely makes it out of my office before my eyes roll backwards at the latest inane task tossed on my desk. Unfun McMoody, that's me.

When Unfun would make an appearance when I lived at home, my mom would tell me a really stupid joke: "What do you call a boomerang that won't come back? A stick." This would leave me serious giggle fits (the only way to give Ms. McMoody the boot), still does, but it has to come from the right person. No such luck with that today.

What worked?
This.
I can never claim to have a subtle sense of humor.

Thanks to the coworker who hit forward when this landed in her inbox, I had to shut my door. I laughed so hard I cried, thankfully my belly laughs are virtually silent, so no one was here to witness the ugly laugh face. Giggles are bubbling back up just looking at it now. Unfun McMoody has been shown the door and I can now get started on my weekend.

What do you use to fix one of those days?

Photo Source

Back in the Day

2009-04-29T17:34:00.000-07:00

My heart melted, a whole lot it melted, this morning when I opened up my reader and saw Peonies post. I have a bit of a soft spot when it comes to tattooed bad boys who go gooshy at the plight of a small, fluffy animal. The photos sent me back about 10 years to the time when I went home everyday smelling like a coffee bean.

I worked in a couple of coffee shops while I was in high school, being a barista has been one of my favorite jobs to date. Giving people their daily fix is great, you're always making them happy. You get to meet someone new everyday, and you get to know the regulars by their drinks very quickly. The last one I worked in was a Moxie Java in Meridian, Idaho that was right off the highway and in the middle of a lot of construction sites. We had two drive through windows and some interesting people who passed through.

One of the regulars during my morning shifts was a very burly, bald construction worker who rolled through in his shiny new dually diesel crewcab pickup truck. I never learned his name, but always imagined it to be something like Steve. Something short and very male. He didn't talk much, he always ordered a large flavored coffee of the day (always cracked me up, big manly man who wanted hazelnut vanilla or cinnamon almond coffee. Cut me some slack, I was 16 and it made me giggle) and left us a dollar tip. Nice guy.

One day, he rolls up and in his passenger seat is:

Go on and tell me you didn't just totally aahhh at your screen. I did when I looked in his truck. When I came back with his coffee, I noticed the puppy was seated upon a purple silk pillow embroidered with her name, Sugar. I turned into a puddle, I momentarily wanted to be that dog.

Now, when I see guys like that construction worker or the bikers Peonies showed us, all I can see is that squishy soft middle that wants to get a puppy, name her Sugar, and treat her like a Princess. I know they aren't all that way, but they are in my world.

Photo Source: Mendocino Humane Society

Practical Awesomeness Update

2009-04-23T14:12:00.000-07:00

(source)

That's me, or at least how I feel today. Like a giant ass. Remember the dress giveaway I wrote about in the previous post? Well, this was the outcome of it. A wonderful woman wanted to wear the dress as her wedding dress at elopement on Walden Pond. A-mazing. She had been determined as the winner last Friday.

Fast forward to yesterday, after I had gone a picked up some lovely wrapping, wanting to make this package very special. I whistle my way home, feeling light and happy, and stride to closet. No dress. What? Okay, relax, gotta here somewhere. Proceed to tear apart the closet, no dress. Tear apart the closet in the spare room that had held the clothes destined for Goodwill this past weekend, totally empty. Oh God, the dress was in the Goodwill closet. Cue mini-breakdown.

You see, I had received an email full of excited-ness from AM, that very afternoon, giving me a little update. They had bought tickets and are going to Walden Pond to get married May 3rd, five years to the day after their first date. Everything's just coming together, with the dress and all. How great! I respond, very excited for you! I'm sending the dress your way this evening, I'll send you the tracking info just as soon as I have it. Yippee!

A vice grip takes up residence around my heart as I write the email to let this wonderfully sweet and deserving woman know what a huge mistake I have made. I make no excuses, there are none to be made. I didn't pay enough attention to what was leaving my house this weekend, and I take full responsibility for my huge screw-up. I offer to replace the dress, desparately want to replace the dress, I made a promise. Tell me what you want, anything, I'll send it to you right away.

I begin checking my email, every two minutes, this morning as soon as I rise. Nothing. Continue obssesive checking. Nothing. Having chewed away all of my nails, I call her.

She proceeds to tell me that while she felt like the wind had gone out her sails this morning, my offer to replace the dress was very generous. We're all human, things like this happen. Please don't worry about it, it was more about the gesture than the actual garment. Send me something for my something borrowed so that you can participate somehow. We don't know each other, but we have this odd, internet fostered connection and it would mean a lot if you could participate somehow. Meg wrote about how a hard start is a good sign (sorry, can't locate the post right now), so I'm going to take this as a good sign. It also gave us the push we needed to actually set a date and do it, so maybe that was your part to play.

She had every reason to freak out. She didn't. She could have fired off a terse email that would have made me sink further into worry-wart territory. She didn't. I thanked her for her amazing aplomb in this moment. It's her wedding, I would not have begrudged her any anger towards me. I was convinced I deserved it.

I'm going to send her my fascinator and veil, along with a few simple silver bangles in case the headpiece isn't her style. She'll send them back, and I'll have something with a larger, sweeter history than I am capable of giving it myself. I may have only kept something small from the wedding day, but oh how meaningful it will be.

I am absolutely blown away, and so very grateful for the reminder that there is a lot of good in people. Even (maybe especially) in those you haven't met and may never meet. Her response reached down deep inside and spoke to the bits of me that are nervous about my upcoming change in path and told them all to hush. This is why I want to give of myself, it comes back to me in the goodness of others whose paths I am fortunate enough to cross.

Practical Awesomeness

2009-04-03T08:45:00.000-07:00

Undoubtedly, you know Meg and A Practical Wedding intimately. If not, click over and check it out. I wish, oh how I wish, that I had come across Meg, her site, and the community of fantastic women she has built much sooner in my planning process. I'm grateful to have found her at all. The advice she dispenses, and the wit with which she does it, helped me to relax about the whole thing. It is only one day after all.

Last week, a wedding dress was given away. I'd already sold my dress, but I still had an unused bridesmaid dress hanging in my closet. It was meant for Beth, but it wasn't meant to be. I couldn't bring myself to sell it, it was meant to be a gift. So I asked Meg if she would be open to offering another dress to the readers of her fabulousity. She deemed me involved enough to say yes, and it's made my week. I get to watch comments roll in to that post and pick who gets it in a week. With it I shall send all the warm fuzzies I can possibly fit in the box. I had a wonderful wedding, thanks in part to Meg and Team Pracital, now I get to give a little bit of that back.

Kitchen Adventures: Heaven on a Plate

2009-03-26T10:39:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago, Seena and I decided to splurge on ingredients for a dinner at home. I'm usually pretty good at splurging reasonably, this time, not so much. Off I trotted to Whole Foods (I see where the Whole Paycheck joke comes from now) after work for asparagus, wine, scallops and mushrooms. Seems like a reasonable list, right? $75 later, I loaded my one (seriously, one) bag of groceries in the car and headed home.

What did we get for $75 bucks? The irrational fear that cooking scallops at home is impossible put to rest and one of the best dinners Team S&B has ever made.

S handling the cooking duties

I had every intention of making this dinner with my own two, not so knife savvy hands, but time got away from me. Seena, the wonderfulest husband in the world (at least in mine, I make no judgments on any of your partners), volunteered for prep duties. He does this often, and he gets thanked profusely in myriad ways that I'll let you imagine. It turned into me pointing and giving instructions while drinking a glass of wine and Seena carrying out the bulk of the work. I felt pretty guilty, until he told me I was just being executive chef and it helped him clear his head of crappy work thoughts. Works for me!

30 minutes of reconstituting mushrooms (I chose dried shitake, as morels aren't yet in season), 5 minutes of open-mouthed gaping at the fact we were about to usea whole stick of butter and almost a pint of heavy cream for the sauce and 20 minutes of actual cooking time. Here's the end product.

Executive chef isn't so good at making sure her plates are clean before sending them out.

The $20 for the 8 extra large fresh scallops, totally worth it. They were absolutely melt in your mouth, make you stop talking, "why the hell have I waited this long to bring home scallops?" good. I spent 45 minutes savoring four buried under the cream soaked mushrooms.

Found at Delish: Morels with Scallops and Asparagus

Getting Dirty

2009-03-23T21:05:00.000-07:00

In a way that will feed us. Sorry to disappoint.

Spring has sprung here in LA, and that means a riot of color and smell every where you turn. It's pretty enchanting, until those colorful blooms fall off the trees and turn to goo under your shoes. That smell isn't so pleasant.

While I enjoy the blooms and green that spring up around us this time of year, I'm enjoying the sprouts that are popping up outside my front door. We planted a garden a week ago: beets, carrots, tuscan kale, blue lake beans, lavender, a mystery mix of herbs, three kinds of squash and a blueberry bush. I'm looking forward to quite a bounty (well, at least as much as our 50 square feet will produce) in a couple of months. It's quite gratifying to know that (hopefully) some of what we'll be eating this summer was grown by us.

Beet beginnings

The Last Wedding Post

2009-03-22T19:21:00.000-07:00

Hi, how are you? It's been a while, I know. Things have been...busy.

I have a lot I want to share, but those things will have to wait. Seeing this post from Cate Subrosa got me to thinking about my own wedding. We're quickly approaching the six month mark (4/11), as well as the 5 year mark of the day we met (3/31), and the wedding crosses my mind only rarely. I, like Cate, take this to be a good thing. An awesome thing really.

I stopped my recaps with the ceremony, mostly because that was the most important bit of the day and we don't really have much documentation of the rest of the day. Mia, our photographer, would qualify as a Wedding Elf. She expressed guilt for feeling like she was partying more than she was working, but that's exactly what we wanted her to do. That's what we wanted everyone to do, have a great time. Mia gave a us passel of fantastic photos of the people and moments we wanted. We couldn't have asked for more. Thank you Mia, we were lucky to have you present at our wedding and truly honored to call you family.

So, I won't be recapping anything else.

The last thing I am going to post related to our wedding is the video that Shane put together for us. I am absolutely blown away by this piece of art he gifted us with. He captured the essence of the day and has put it together in a way that words can hardly do justice. It would be redundant of me to continue to try to put into words what Shane has so beautifully and succinctly captured. I've thanked him profusely time and time again, but one last time can't hurt. Shane, thank you. We are behind you and your filmmaking ambitions one hundred percent. You, too, are family. Your room is waiting.

I've watched this more than a few times, and I cry buckets every time I do. All the happiest of happy tears.

Quote of the Week

2009-03-20T09:23:00.001-07:00

Seena, Tuesday night after exiting the grocery store:
"I just bought Guinness on St. Patrick's Day from Jesus."

Kitchen Adventures: Bittersweet Chocolate and Pear Cake

2009-03-03T20:57:00.000-08:00

*This one's for Agirl.*

I think I may have mentioned that our Switalian (definition: from the Italian part of Switzerland) was going to come over and teach us how to make gnocchi. He did, and I'll have to do it again and show you sometime. I was in charge of desert. That part I did document.

My first thought was cupcakes, I love them. So cute, so easily portioned and easy to give away when I don't want extra in my kitchen. Then I thought further, maybe I should shoot for something a little more sophisticated.

Enter Smitten Kitchen (who else?) and a recipe for bittersweet chocolate and pear cake. (I followed the recipe to the letter, so I won't repost it here as I didn't make any changes to warrant a repost.) It looked simple, and I wondered what the catch was (none). Amazingly, I had everything but the three pears in the house and was headed to the store for other supplies for the night.

My cook(mac)book and I headed into the kitchen to visit my baby.

Yes, my baby is a mixer, no she doesn't have a name, and I'll kindly ask that you not judge me.

I set the eggs a-whirling, Deb's estimate of nine minutes for a home machine was bang on, and the butter a-browning. May I say that browning butter is a heavenly scent. Then I set up the rest of my mise en place.

I realize now that white flour in a white bowl doesn't photograph so well.

I folded in the flour and had a pretty batter to turn out into the pan.

Pardon the CFL induced color funkification.

I sprinkled the pears and chocolate over the top thinking there was no way this was going to work. How wonderfully wrong I was.

The batter rose up, as advertised, and cuddled up to the pears and chocolate. The chocolate turned melty, but maintained the individual shapes, so you bit into warm juicy pears with melty shots of chocolatey goodness.

I served it up to our friends with a dusting of powdered (icing) sugar. Amidst the closing of eyes and moans of pleasure, this exchange took place:

Switalian: "Seena, you are a lucky man."

Seena: "Yes, yes I am."

First Steps

2009-03-02T21:39:00.000-08:00

I took the first tangible step toward my educational goals this weekend. The class I am taking in Understanding Interpersonal Communication commenced.

It will fulfill a prerequisite to enter the nursing program, and hopefully equip me with some super useful skills. I'm hoping that this speech class will prove much more stimulating than the average public speaking class. So far, it looks good.

My drop dead day at work is August 14. At the latest. The work day goes a lot better now that I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, and it is definitely not a muzzle flash.

The Fruits of Our Union

2009-03-01T19:20:00.000-08:00

No, no, not THAT! Not yet! It's a little business baby (I have other baby related things to share with you soon-ish too).

Seena and I decided to launch a little endeavor with his photos. We're still working on the set up, and a launch date has yet to be decided, but we do have the beginnings of something fun. Check out the Unit D blog that just went live (literally) and bear in mind it is a work in progress.

I'm in the process of trying to figure out what to do with this space. So far it's just been a melange of my life, and I kind of like it that way, but do you guys feel it's too schizo? I'd like to hear your input. What are you enjoying most?

Kitchen Adventures: Travels to No Recipe-land

2009-02-25T18:42:00.000-08:00

Seena and I have to very different cooking styles. I like to have a recipe to follow, I think it has something to do with having learned to bake before I learned to cook. He likes to go to the store, pick up whatever strikes his fancy and make something out of it. This method works for him. It scares me, at least it did.

I've been reading Smitten Kitchen and thekitchn quite obsessively lately, and I think it's starting to rub off. Last Friday, this post about cooking soup without a recipe was on thekitchn and it seemed timely. I've been thinking about cooking a little more Seena-style. We, because it ended up being a team effort (like always), gave it a shot Monday night.

We decided against soup, as we wanted to work with what we had in the house. Out of the cabinet came a box of farfalle pasta and a can of whole peeled tomatoes. A search of the fridge yielded some bacon, mushrooms and fresh parsley. Add a little garlic, olive oil and parmesan and this is what we got:

Not bad for a Monday night.

If I Were Monied

2009-02-23T17:40:00.000-08:00

We're on a spending hiatus, as inspired by Joslyn at Simple Lovely. So far, it's been pretty easy as we are staring down the barrel of losing an income this summer. With the state of the economy, we really want to make sure that we have the largest cushion possible, so we've already begun living like we only have one paycheck coming in. The other is going into savings. We should have around 15k in the bank by the time I quit my lucrative, but soul draining, mind numbing job.

So, yeah, not spending money right now is pretty easy, but that doesn't stop me from drooling over things like this:

I love these micro gardens from Sprout Home. We're going to plant a garden this year, but how nice would this make my work environment? Or even just as a starter to transplant later?

In the category of things we registered for because my family made me make a registry they didn't use:

Villeroy and Boch's Flow. We got a few pieces, but none of the essentials. Now our table is a hodge podge of IKEA plates (our house should be an IKEA showroom) with a few of the nice serving pieces we received. For some reason, having a matching set of china would make me feel fully grown up. I look forward to showing off our cooking skills to friends on this gorgeously simple set.

In the category of things that would solve a lot of problems in my kitchen that sorely lacks counter space, but the currency I deal in does not end in GBP:

Found at Ella's Kitchen Company via thekitchn, a Norwegian 6 scoop storage cabinet. I heart it lots, but Husband isn't so sold on Ye Olde Country Home feel. I'm not either, truth be told. We are IKEA due to the fact we can't afford Design Within Reach (yet). He suggested we look at designing and building one with a friend of ours who builds furniture (among other things, he's awesome), so we'll probably end up with something like this, but stainless steel. Nothing wrong with that. Though I may push for copper, I love the warmth and patina it gains.

The hiatus has felt easy to this point. I don't think clothes or the like will be my downfall. It's going to be padding my nest that will be the hardest to walk away from.

I Understand and I Wish to Continue

2009-02-21T18:19:00.000-08:00

Madam P, purveyor of baby animal porn who has been unfairly censored recently, over at What Possessed Me sent me 5 questions. Said 5 questions are part of a meme (this is my first, please be gentle) and I happened to float to the top of the random number generator. If you're brave enough (or bored enough) to want to be interviewed by moi, see the rules below.

1. At what point did you know you wanted to marry Seena? Was it a moment or a slow evolution?

I don't remember a specific moment when thought to myself "Self, we are going to marry this man." The whole genesis of our relationship was a very organic thing. We became friends, we became more than that but less than a couple and then we became a couple, all over a period of about six months. It all just sort of happened, and after the official coupling (really romantic story *insert sarcastic snort here* . Remind me to tell you someday) it just felt natural to continue. Marriage didn't really get discussed a lot, just enough in the abstract to know that we both wanted to... someday.

I was quite content with "living in sin" and wasn't pushing for anything more when he got down on his knee in London. I just felt extremely lucky and happy when he asked, after my previous experience my inner feminist could be damned and bask in being chosen. So I guess if I had to peg a moment, it would be when he asked. All I knew before that was that I could imagine a future without him, but I didn't want to. I was happy to be together in whatever form worked best for us. Marriage just happened to be that form.

2. What surprises you most about being married?

This being my second time around, the thing I am most surprised with in our relationship as a whole is how easy it feels. How easy it is to be a team, to talk openly, to be on the same page, to be treated as an absolute equal. It's great to have the shit removed and be left with the sweet green grass below that I now have the capacity to really appreciate. I'm also surprised daily that of all people, he loves me.

3. You're about to embark on a huge career change. What drew you to nursing?

The backstory: My grandad was a doctor. I stood at his dinner table one Sunday when I was five and announced that I wanted to be just like Grandad and I was going to go to Harvard to do it.

Since my announcement at five years old, I decided that psychology was the route for me. PhD and my own practice, seemed like a great life. Until I was bombarded by professors who didn't care and my own apathy to the school I had chosen exacerbated by the fact that I had wanted to leave home for college, but didn't due to perceived pressure from my parents. I dropped out and got married for the first time. Got a "good" job and went bored out of my mind. I've since meandered my way through several different office jobs that I am very good at, but don't fulfill me in any way.

Healthcare is in my blood, but I've finally decided on nursing because I like the patient focus. It's always the nurse I remember when I leave the doctor's office. Bonus reasons: it's in high demand and will continue to be for some time, it pays well and it is extremely portable. We don't plan to stay planted in Cali forever.

4. My friend Deb once asked a bunch of people to describe their superhero power (hers is naming things). What's yours?

Remembering that one thing I forgot to put on the grocery list while at the grocery store.

5. In Swimming to Cambodia, Spalding Grey explains his quest for a "perfect moment" - a brief and incredibly potent sensation of contentment, when you feel so alive that you realize that the possibility of perfection exists. Can you remember the last time you felt that way?

Don't laugh too hard. I don't think I've told any of you yet that I am a complete sap. Total utter sap. I'm going to give you two examples:

#1 - Boise, Sunday afternoon 2/15, the pub with Beth. We've lost touch in the few months since we've seen each other last. A lot has happened for and to her, she fills me in. I am gutted I wasn't more present for her. We hash it out, she's more understanding than I deserve from her right now. She tells me what she needs from me, I tell her it's okay to call me any time, day or night. We look at each other and both blurt "I love you" in that way that only makes sense between women whose friendship runs as deep as any other relationship in their lives. It's not akward, we compliment each other in ways men never can. We know, right then and there, how amazing it is that we are taking the time to resuscitate a friendship that might have died because of marriages, babies and distance. Even if they forget to talk here and there, we still matter to one another. I'm lucky to have a friend like her.

#2 - (here's where the sap really comes out to play, don't say I didn't warn you) Every day, after we're both finally home from work, Seena and I both stop whatever we are doing to hug. In that moment, the stress from the day just seems to float away, the rest of our night can start, we're both finally home. I don't need a walls or a roof to feel home, he is home.

Now come the rules:

Leave a comment asking to be interviewed.
I'll email you five questions, five personalized questions of my choice.
Answer said questions on your blog with link back here.
Post these rules, along with the offer of an interview to anyone who wants it.
Then you send out the questions, five personalized questions of your choice.

Kitchen Adventures: How to Win Friends at Work

2009-02-21T17:44:00.000-08:00

Show up with a pan of these.

(Image Source)

I felt a very deep need to bake something Thursday night. I also really, really wanted a cinnamon roll for breakfast, but I didn't want to spend the money to buy one at the bakery. So, recipe hunting I went.

The sour cream cinnamon rolls that Jenna posted about look great, but I wasn't in the mood for dealing with yeast and rising times, they are on the list under the heading "to be tackled soon." I decided that the Fastest Cinnamon Buns from Fine Cooking that I stumbled upon via thekitchn were just the ticket. They lived up to their name.

In a little over an hour and a half, I had a pan of cinnamon rolls that took the place of our usual nighttime cookies. I knew I had a potential hit on my hands when Seena, not usually a cinnamon roll guy, ate two for breakfast the next morning.

Off I trotted to work, thinking my officemates might partake. How wrong I was, they demolished, and complained there wasn't more. Give me time, guys, give me time.

*I won't post the recipe this time, it's a little long. I will tell you the only substitution I made this time was using almonds in place of pecans in the filling as that's what I had on hand. I also won't post any nutrition facts, mostly because I don't want to know and I imagine you don't want to know either.*